Hil--wait for it--arious

You're an Anti-Dentite!

Watching the Michael Richards fiasco, my friend Billy keenly observerd that somewhere Larry David is probably getting a kick out of this. The entire incident, which of course is indefensible, seemed to come straight from a "Curb Your Enthusiasm" script. Like the time Larry used the C-word during a poker game.

Of course, this is more serious. One question: Why, whenever someone verbally impales themselves with the N-word do cable news channels go racing to the Rev. Al Sharpton for a ruling on whether or not the offender is worthy of forgiveness? Maybe I'm just dumb, but who is Reverend Al? I mean, I know who he is, I live in New York, but why does his opinion have more credibility than Chris Rock's? Or Oprah's? Or Barack Obama's?

Is Reverend Sharpton the leading African-American voice on civil rights? Or does he just have the best publicist?

Channel Z

I'm loving the "She Says, Z Says" feature on si.com each week. Inspired. That's a great pairing, the sublimely beautiful and amiable Brooklyn Decker with the laconic curmudgeon Paul Zimmerman (and that's not an act). As someone who used to fact-check Dr Z's stories, it's even more satisfying because no writer came with a more intimidating reputation, in terms of fact-checking, than Dr. Z. He was Captain Imperious.

Part of your job as a fact-checker was, as the title implies, to review facts in the story with the writer. Typical conversation:

Fact-checker: "Can you tell me where you got the part about all of George Foreman's children being named George?"
Writer: "Well, there's a story in The Dallas Morning News. And the Washington Post. And George, Sr., told me himself..."

Typical conversation with Dr. Z:

Fact-checker: "Can you tell me where you got the--"
Dr. Z: "It's in my story, right?"
Fact-checker: "Yes, Dr. Z., but--"
Dr. Z: "So it's true. Why would I write something that's false?"
Fact-checker: "Yeeaaahhh. Thanks."

(and then you'd go hide in the men's room for an hour hoping they'd just kill his story...or him. Whatever got you in less trouble).

HEISMAN POLITICKING

On Tuesday someone asked Charlie Weis if he thought that Brady Quinn might still win the Heisman if he has a superior performance versus USC this Saturday. Here is the gist of Weis' response:

"My view is tainted because I really don't know what the description of the Heisman Trophy is. 'Cause to me, who is the most valuable player to their team, who has done more for their team to be in the position like we're in than anyone else in the country, I think that my guy qualifies under that criteria.

If the criteria is who is the best player on the best team, well, right now we can't match that."

I'll take Charlie at his word, that he doesn't "know what the description of the Heisman Trophy is". However, one of the things that makes the Heisman so prestigious is the simplicity of its criteria. The award, as it reads on the bust, is given to "the outstanding college football player in the United States". Key word: outstanding. As in "stands out from the rest".

This season, yes, it's Troy Smith. I want to duct-tape Lee Corso wheneve he expounds on his "best player, best team" philosophy, because that should never be what the award is about. And, no, Coach Weis, it's not an MVP award. It's the most outstanding player. Think Red Grange in 1924 (and how come there's NO RED GRANGE AWARD in college football?!?). Or Doug Flutie in 1984. Barry Sanders in 1988. Those are archetypal Heisman winners.

TROY'S OWN RUDY

You've probably seen this already, but in case you haven't, it's awesome. Last March Ben Malcolmson, a student sportswriter for The Daily Trojan, participated in the one-day tryout for the USC football team as a story idea. Instead, he made the team (9 of the 28 athletes who tried out made it). Malcolmson was a senior, but he extended his college career another semester to be part of the Trojan football squad. How can you not be thrilled for him?

Here's the link to his story:

http://www.dailytrojan.com/media/paper679/news/2006/03/23/Sports/Hauling.In.A.Hail.Mary-1714056.shtml?norewrite200603250424&sourcedomain=www.dailytrojan.com

and here's his actual bio on USC's athletic web site:

http://usctrojans.cstv.com/sports/m-footbl/mtt/malcolmson_ben00.html

Save The Song Girl, Save the World

Doubtless ABC will be showing a lot of low-angle camera shots of the USC song girls on Saturday night. Count on the telegenic Natalie Nelson, whose mother happens to be the Song Girl coach, getting plenty of camera time. Here's a funny little story on Natalie by my friend and former SI colleague Paul Gutierrez:

Sacramento Bee (California)

November 19, 2006 Sunday
METRO FINAL EDITION

Cheerleader defended by USC's Sartz;
Her apparent Rose Bowl faux pas was just a misunderstanding.

BYLINE: Paul Gutierrez Bee Staff Writer

SECTION: SPORTS; Pg. C8

LENGTH: 345 words

DATELINE: LOS ANGELES

Remember that USC songleader who was apparently caught by a photographer cheering for Texas on a Longhorns score in the Rose Bowl?
Thanks to Photoshop, Natalie Nelson became an instant Internet celebrity as Web surfers pasted her image -- pompoms raised high, smile crossing her face -- in other unfortunate moments in history. One Web site claimed she had "cheered at wrong times in the past" by posting her cheering photo while the Hindenburg burned, and at the sites of other tragic moments in history.

"The thing about that was she's actually one of the smartest songleaders, as far as football goes," said USC linebacker Dallas Sartz, the former Granite Bay High School star who dated Nelson at the time.
"She knows a lot about football; we would talk about football all the time. I don't think she was cheering for Texas. She thought we stopped them on that play; that's why she was cheering."
And what about her being on the wrong end of so many jokes in cyberspace?
"She was a good sport about it," Sartz said.

And here's the infamous photo:

http://thewizardofodds.blogspot.com/2006/11/fight-on.html