YES, HE WAS THE FASTEST LANCE

Posted by Deleted: Wednesday, November 8, 2006 11:07 AM

So, crazy as it sounds, someone at the home office made a mistake. On the headline on our home page that directs you to this blog, it reads, "Not even the fastest Lance". In fact, Lance Armstrong WAS the fastest of seven Lances who entered Sunday's New York City Marathon. He was not the fastest Armstrong, but he was the fastest Lance.

And, again, if you read yesterday, you know that I'm giving Lance props for his performance on Sunday. Is it the best that he could do? No, but he's out there being the American version of Bono (saving the world, meeting supermodels, etc.) and if you want to put his time in perspective, here's a little math for you.

There were nearly 38,000 runners who finished the race. Among that group, Lance finished in the top 2.4%. Sure, that's not as good as he does on a bicycle (top .0001%), but then the two sports use entirely different leg muscle groups. Runners have overdeveloped quads (and girlieman arms, like mine; actually, I became a runner simply to justify my Bugs Bunny-like arms) while cyclists usually have great calf muscles...which, as Johnny Drama knows, chicks dig more.

I'M A BIELEMA'R

If you don't already read Pete Fiutak's "Cavalcade of Whimsy" every Tuesday on collegefootballnews.com, I recommend it. Very funny. Anyway, yesterday Fiutak was stumping for possible Coach of the Year candidates and mentioned four names:

Jim Grobe, Wake Forest (8-1)
Ron Prince, Kansas State (6-4)
Todd Graham, Rice (4-5)
Dick Tomey, San Jose State (6-2)

Now, they're all good candidates, and the records themselves are not as important as how far the coach has lifted up the team. But here are three reasons that as of today I'd vote for Wisconsin's Brett Bielema:

1. His Badgers are 9-1 and their only loss was to Michigan in Ann Arbor. And in that game Wisconsin only trailed 17-10 starting the 4th quarter.
2. He' s only thirty-freaking-six years old.
3. That hilarious trick he pulled on JoePa and the NCAA last Saturday. You've probably seen it, but Bielema realized a flaw in the new rules whereby the clock starts as soon as the kicker's foot touches the ball on a kickoff. So, with 0:23 left before halftime Bielema had his Badger kickoff coverage unit all run way offsides not once but twice in order to burn clock.
JoePa was fuming. To Bielema's credit, the move seemed designed both to point out the problem with the new rule while also aiding his team in a less than crucial moment. What, for example, if he had done that after Wisconsin had just scored a go-ahead field goal with 0:23 left not in the half but in the game.
What I love is the idea of the 2nd-youngest coach in I-A having the cojones to tweak the oldest coach in the profession, an absolute icon. I can see JoePa, who's been the head man at Penn State longer than Bielema's been breathing, having a Sinatra moment when he first realized what was going on ("I've got pieces of guys like you in my stool!"), but Bielema never backed down.
Also, you know how everyone always like to mock Paul Maguire for not being so sharp? Well, he was the first man in ESPN's 3-man booth to pick up on what was happening.

So, NCAA Rules Committee, when next you meet, consider these two suggestions:

1. Eliminate this clock-starts-on-the-kickoff rule that Bielema has exposed as being flawed.
2. If you're going to mandate that the clock begins on change of possesssion when the referee blows his whistle, could you at least write in "except for the final 5 minutes of the game"? When it's late in the game, and it's close, I don't think any of us mind spending another minute or two watching football.

Thanks. And, as for that Coach of the Year thing, two games this weekend could change my mind:

1. Boise State at San Jose State...If the Spartans win, Tomey moves up to second on the list.
2. Wisconsin at Iowa (Bielema's alma mater)...If the Hawkeyes win, Tomey moves up to first.

Then again, as long as we're talking first-year coaches, I really like the way Coach Taylor has whipped that Dillon High team into shape. Just keep those lads away from Tyra, Coach.