December 2006 Archives

I like the Roches, I do, but I found an electrical outlet up near the food table that's under a heat lamp. I am, as my friend Eric says, "typing one for the team", but there's no reason to look like Snow Miser by game's end.

How bizarre for Miami and Larry Coker to find themselves here. Five years ago Miami flew west for the Rose Bowl and capped off a national championship season with a crush job on Nebraska. Four years ago they jetted west for the Fiesta Bowl, where they lost the national championship game in overtime to Ohio State (Coker's first loss as UM coach after an incredible 24-0 start) . Tonight--and no offense to Boise, but Dec. 31st is not the best day to take advantage of all the city has to offer--they find themselves in the least desirable bowl locale this side of Detroit or Shreveport.

If you are watching---if Carson Daly or Ryan Seacrest just don't cut it for you as New Year's Rockin' Eve hosts--keep your eyes on Miami's No. 81, defensive end Calais Campbell. A redshirt soph, Campbell is 6'8", 280 and may be the best underclassmen D-lineman in the nation. Named the Canes' MVP this season, Campbell had ten sacks. Besides, he's from Denver, so this weather is not bugging him out.

In terms of coaching age, this game is like a junior version of last year's Orange Bowl, which featured then septuagenarians Bobby Bowden and Joe Paterno. The MPC Computers Bowl has Miami's Coker, who is 58 and Nevada's Chris Ault, who's 60.

Howdy from Boise, where the sky is gray and the field--and my fingers--are blue.

(dad
I arrived upstairs at Boise State's press box to learn that I'd been placed in auxiliary seating. That means I'm booted from the press box which, considering that it's just below freezing here, did not sound too appealing. But I've actually been kicked out of the open-air press box down to the open-air University Club (read: boosters) seating. The food is better here, but more importantly, each seat comes with its own blanket.

And, as it begins snowing here in the first quarter, I'm sitting with my new friends the Roches, a father-and-son duo from here in Boise. I just told Ken (dad) that I was at the Insight Bowl two nights ago and he said, "They should fire that coach from Minnesota."

"They just did."

Which reminds me: In three of the last four games I've covered, including tonight's, one of the coaches was fired (Dirk Koetter, Glen Mason and Larry Coker). Fired for a subpar season and your team is still bowling...in case you were wondering whether there's an overabundance of bowls.

It's snowing. Just thought you'd like to know. The Roches were up skiing at Bogus Basin (local resort, "a hidden gem," says Ken) on Thursday and they say that the Miami Hurricanes were there. I'm guessing you don't see that many big African-American young men in Boise, so I'm taking their word for it. Anyway, they said the Canes were tubing down hills and having a big ol' time. For many, it was the first time they'd ever seen snow.

Since I'm sitting in a fan section, I'll just keep typing until I run out of power. I'm not talking about computer power. I'm talking about me. Besides, my fingers are numb.

Jay Cutler just made a rookie throw (oh, yeah...he's back in), wrapped up and going down, he threw it to San Fran's Walt Harris who returned it for a touchdown.

17-13 49ers late in the third.

San Diego quarterbck Philip Rivers is really favoring his left ankle which he apparently twisted either late in the first half or early in the second.

Up 24-7 halfway through the third, it might not be a bad time for Marty Schottenheimer to summon either Charlie Whitehurst or Billy Volek to mop up.

Mike Vick is also done. He sprained his ankle and Matt Schaub is in.

Rivers looks pretty bad off. He can't put any pressure on it when he's running.

It was just announced in the press box here that the Giants and Eagles have the last game of Wild Card weekend, next Sunday at 4:30.

Here's how we guess the rest will go.

SATURDAY at 4

Dallas at Seattle.
Even though they are America's team, the Boys and Seahawks don't have the same national oomph as....

SATURDAY AT 8

Denver or the Jets at New England.
The Belichick-Mangini connection is a draw if the Pats get the Jets. Denver is a West Coast draw.
The Pats have Brady and a bigger TV market.

SUNDAY AT 1
Denver or the Jets at Indy. The Colts smaller market keeps them out of prime time.

Jay Cutler got sacked on the Broncos last series and Jake Plummer is in. He promptly threw a pass that looked more like a punt that got picked off and returned to midfield.

It's 6-0 Denver and idway through the second quarter.

Detroit's stirring win over the Cowboys turns into a loss of sorts. The now have the second overall pick as Oakland finishes 2-14 and the Lions are 3-13.

So if Oakland wants dibs on Brady Quinn, it's got 'em.

Meanwhile, if Dancin' Billy Cowher is done in Pittsburgh, his Steelers ended his reign well with a 23-17 overtime win in Cincy.

His decision is reportedly going to come quickly. Steelers' assistant Russ Grimm is a leading candidate to take over for Cowher.

People like to tell this blog that, when a team has something to play for, it should be expected to win.

This blog has always said, "Balderdash."

This blog believes that teams playing with implications in mind play tighter than teams that may be in a spoiler role and have long known their season is dead and buried. There are exceptions, of course, especially if you find a dysfunctional team like the Raiders and put them up against a disciplined team like the Jets. The 20-point New York win was no stunner.

But check out the other teams from the early slate of games who were playing with something on the line.

Tennessee. Lost at home.
Cincinnati. Lost at home.
Dallas. Lost at home.
Giants. Won on the road (narrowly).
Kansas City. Won at home.
Jacksonville. Lost to Kansas City.

1) The Chiefs Can Get In
If Denver loses to San Francisco, the Kansas City Chiefs become the sixth seed and Denver is out. Denver just got turned away on four plays inside the San Fran 5 and will kick a field goal to go up 3-0.

2) The Patriots Can Get the 3 Seed
If Indy loses to Miami (and they trail 3-0 at the end of 1) New England becomes the third seed.

3) The Colts Can Get the 2 Seed
If Indy wins and the Ravens lose, Baltimore drops down to become the No. 3 seed and loses its first-round bye

There's more, but those are the big ones for now.

The key games, of course, are Indy-Miami and Denver-San Fran.

The Lions are going to beat the Cowboys. OK. I said it. No qualifiers. They're getting it done.

Which will clinch the NFC East title for the Eagles and give them a first-round bye against the New York Giants next week.

The way it's shaking out, the drama is going to be in the AFC during this final round of games in the 2006 regular season.

Meanwhile, here's a link to a funny story by the whack jobs at Cold Hard Football facts.

http://www.coldhardfootballfacts.com/Article.php?Page=1215&Category=1

This game's about to kick but this blog is focusing on the other messes.

With the Jets about to clinch a spot, it will come down to one open spot on the playoff bus remaining in both conferences.

Denver has the inside track to the final spot but Kansas City's win over Jacksonville will keep them in play to get that final spot if Denver loses in San Francisco.

And the chances aren't that remote. The Titans are losing, and the Bengals are losing. All Denver has to do to blow this is lose.

Gulpage.

Given the choice between playing the Giants at home or the Seahawks in the Pacific Northwest next weekend, the Cowboys are working hard to take the latter.

It's 24-21 Detroit a little more than halfway through the third and the Dallas defense has allowed third-down conversions on 7 of 13 occasions already. The Cowboys have also fumbled it away twice and dropped a certain end zone pick.

To review, if the Cowboys lose, the Eagles automatically clinch the NFC East and the third seed regardless of what happens when they play Atlanta in an hour.

Tony Romo just got picked at the 28 of Dallas and they're about to score and Bill Parcells looks like a Dad who just walked in on his daughter in flagrante delicato.

Smells like the last day of the year around here.

This blog goes from one of the worst press box situations in the league last night in Washington to one of the best in Philly.

This blog had a cheese steak, four meatballs, lasgana, a coke, a water and two ring dings. Then this blog took an upright nap in front of a bank of TVs in the press lounge.

This blog prefers this to working in a sawmill which this blog did in 1984 and 85 in Hanover, Massachusetts.

We'll get you some insights on the early games that we caught when we weren't, ya know, napped out.

Here are the inactives fer ya....

Philly

CB William James
SS Michael Lewis
CB Bruce Perry
LB Dedrick Roper
G Max Jean-Gilles
T Pat McCoy
T Winston Justice
DT LaJuan Ramsey

Atlanta
FB Corey McIntyre
S JR Reed
RB Jamal Robertson
T Frank Omiyale
WR Ashley Lelie
TE Daniel Fells
DT Tommy Jackson

The Giants look like they're going to escape and that's thanks to the fingers on the left hand of third-year safety Gibril Wilson.

On fourth-and-10, Skins quarterback Jason Campbell threw to Antwaan Randle-El running about a 14-yard in-cut. He was open and the throw was good but Wilson dove and broke it up by a fingertip.

The Giants have the ball at the Skins 21 and the clock spins. Washington just burned its final timeout.

The Redskins have the ball at their own 21 with 2:13 left and a chance to tear out the Giants still beating heart.

Insufferable as Tiki Barber's been the past two-plus months, he's hauling the Giants into the playoffs tonight.

He just busted a 50-yard touchdown run and now has 227 rushing yards. He's got 3 touchdowns tonight. The 227 yards is also a franchise record.

The trade-off for such a brilliant performance is the cringe-inducing Tiki Tongue Bath that will follow. Sorry, that's how this blog feels.

It's times like these you wish Tiki had a little more Barry Sanders in him.

As this blog was issuing its last missive, Washington scored to make it 27-14. Now, those Skins are at the Giants 1 annnnnd, now they've scored to make it 27-21.

There's 10 minutes left and that may be more than enough time for the Chokeo di tutti Chokeos from the G-men.

On an unrelated note, this blog is not Johnny PC, but this blog can't fathom how the nickname "Redskins" lives on. Indians, Seminoles, Warriors, all those other nicknames are meant to invoke the best of Native American lore.

Redskins? It's like a freakin' 1890s name that shoulda been wiped out even before the PC crazies rained down.

This blog mean is Irish Catholic. This blog wouldn't like to see a team called the Paleskins with the profile of an Irishman on the side.

This blog can give a dozen other examples that would be analagous to Redskins but all would be offensive, the typing of them would be misunderstood and this blog would have its life complicated.

Barring a collapse that would get him fired before he even made it to the locker room, Tom Coughlin's rugged and resourceful Giants look to be in total control at 24-7 late in the third.

A Giants win will eliminate Atlanta, Carolina and St. Louis from playoff contention.

The only way the Giants can get edged out of the playoffs is if Green Bay wins and (deep breath) Arizona wins, Detroit wins, Miami wins, Minnesota wins, San Francisco wins, Carolina loses, Houston loses, Tampa Bay loses, this blog wakes up after a 6:34 minute sleep with its head perpindicular to the pillows but not lateral to the wall in it Courtyard Marriott room, the number of which must end in a 4.

Good luck, PACK!

Strange ending to the half in which a Plaxico Burress touchdown was waved off as both he and Ade Jimoh were called for offsetting pass interference on each other on a semi-fade with less than 20 seconds left.

The Giants went back to that play on the next down and this time Jimoh interefered (wasn't called) and no flag was thrown on the incompletion. Until Jimoh decided to flap his gums at Burress and drew a taunting penalty (it didn't seem too egregious). So Jay Feely moved 15 yards closer and made a half-ending field goal.

The Skins should be pleased though, because it should have been a non-call in the end zone since both players seem to push simultaneously and with the same force.

The Skins quarterback just gave a quick refresher on How Not To Slide. He went to his knees after a short scramble and tried to roll to the side but before he got there he got blasted by Brandon Short. he remained on the ground for about two minutes. Mark Brunell is in but probably for a short stint. Campbell jogged off the field.

Barber just ran through a skinny hole, sidestepped, ran through a high tackle by Sean Taylor and scored again to make it 17-7.

He went 55 yards. Hmmmph

Tiki took time out from doing everyone else's job to do his own and run 15 yards for a touchdown to make it 10-7, Giants.

He doesn't have it in him to step into throws right now. He just threw a fallaway on second-and-10 from the 29 that went through the hands of Vernon Fox.

Manning followed that with a crisp first-down throw to Plaxico Burress.

Tiki Barber ripped off a 31-yard run on a third-and-2 play which was helpful for New York. But two plays later he got stuck for a 2-yard loss in the backfield and proceeded to ream out fullback Jim Finn, running backs coach Jerald Ingram and the offensive line as the Giants drive stalled.

Must be fun to get told how to do your job by a guy who's quitting his.

He injured his hip and won't return.

This blog just got an e-mail from the Patriots who play at Tennessee.

Not making the trip for the Pats were WR Bam Childress, RB Kevin Faulk, CB Chad Scott, TE Ben Watson, and NT Vince Wilfork.

Derrick Dockery's having a very good game at left tackle so far. He just freed up Ladell Betts for a huge gain on a trap play and then Randle-El made a tremendous throw on an end-around for a 48-yard touchdown to Santana Moss who took the ball away from a barely interested Sam Madison for the score.

The ball traveled close to 60 yards in the air off the hand of the 5-10, 192-pound Randle-El.

The Giants just strung together a 4-play drive that lost 4 yards and settled for a Jay Feely field goal.

If the Giants maintain their pace offensively, they will lose approximately 70 yards this evening. This blog will monitor that.

The Redskins come back out with Jason Campbell having gone 4 for 4 on the first drive. They are at the 20.

Brandon Short just put the nose on the football and jarred it loose from Ladell Betts and wideload Fred Robbins took it 65 yards the other way for the Giants who go to work at the Redskins 12.

LANDOVER, Md. - Here's the Skins first drive...

Nice block by Chris Samuels to pick up a twisting blitzer and help the Redskins convert a third down on the first drive.

Every single Redskins run by Ladell Betts has gone behind Derrick Dockery and Samuels on the left side.

Jason Campbell just did the whoopsie on the sack (Whoopsie: To duck out of while half-entangled) and picked up a cool 12 yards.

Campbell rifled it through to Santana Moss inside R.W. McQuarters for a first down at the Giants 24.

A Redskins fan held up a sign that said, "If We Can't Go, You Can't Go!"

The final score will be....

Giants 16, Redskins 13 (OT)

But this could be Tiki Barber's last game. Yup. Word is, he's retiring after the season. He kept it quiet. He'll probably just saunter into a life of anonymity now. He was never much of a spotlight seeker.

Ahem.

He's made 53 tackles and 5 sacks from his defensive end spot...

LANDOVER, Md. - The Redskins broke the bank - as is their wont - in the offseason.

They had minimal impact for the five-win club. A glance:

Christian Fauria, TE - 2 catches,
TJ Duckett, RB - 35 carries, 136 yards
Adam Archuleta, S - 59 tackles, 1 sack, 0 picks, 7 tackles since the start of November
Antwaan Randle-El, WR - 29 catches, 298 yards and 3 TDs. 36 punt returns, 335 yards, 1 TD.

The only noteworthies sitting this one out are, for Washington, wide receiver Brandon Lloyd and rookie defensive tackle Anthony Montgomery.

For the Giants, tight end Jeremy Shockey is out.

LANDOVER, Md. - Got into the FedEx Field press box about 20 minutes ago, this blog is iin row 3, seat 19, if you're looking.

This blog would have dropped its first entry before this but this blog's computer countered that move with the dreaded blue screen announcement that my computer had encountered some kind of internal tragedy and was shutting down to collect its thoughts.

It does that sometimes. One of these times, though, it's going to get punched in the middle of the face for it and then it won't have anymore tragedies and this blog will have to explain what the hell happened to my computer. And hand.

Saw the news that Navy blew a game to BC today, drawing some penalties and fumbling on a third-and-13 in the final minutes.

Always encouraging when Naval Academy plays with a lack of discipline.

This blog pledged before that this blog wouldn't bee-atch about press box accomodations because, after all, this blog ain't paying.

But lemme describe this spot - the press box is positioned in a corner of the field about 40 rows up in the second level. So this blog is about 145 yards from the opposite goal line. Amplifying things is that we're basically looking out through portholes. We're positioned under an overhang and the windows are about 5 feet tall so anything 20 feet or more above the field - like a pass or punt - will disappear from view.

But this blog will persevere. Although it may make the sad Eli Manning "Who stole my backpack?" face.

Evenin'.

Looks like Jeremy Shockey and his bad ankle won't be on the field for the Giants pivotal game with the Redskins tomorrow night.

We gots ourselves a busy weekend to close out 2006 - at Washington tomorrow night to light the Giants funeral pyre. From there, we go to Philly Sunday morning for the Eagles and Falcons at 1 p.m. for a game that will either have implications for both clubs or just the Eagles trying to win the NFC East.

If the Giants win Saturday night, the Falcons are out of the playoffs and they are a team that - offensively at least - might lick the stamp and mail it in if they're not playing for anything. Hey, they might mail it in if they are playing for something.

Meanwhile, there's an interesting dynamic going on in the AFC where the Patriots have a chance to leapfrog the Colts and get the third seed. New England has to beat Tennessee in Nashville. The Colts are hosting Miami which is giving Cleo Lemon the start at quarterback.

If the AFC's top two seeds stay true to form, the fourth seed has the unenviable task of flying cross-country to play San Diego in the Divisional Playoffs (provided that fourth seed beats the No. 5 wild card seed). New England would likely prefer to stay on the East Coast and play Baltimore rather than take a six-hour flight to Southern California to play a team that's beaten them the last two times they played (2002 and 2005).

Bill Belichick and Nick Saban are old buddies but Saban - rightly - is putting the chance to see what he's got with Lemon ahead of worrying about doing New England any favors.

We'll check in when we get to Washington tomorrow afternoon, hopefully around 5 p.m.

While the Golden Gophers, who just punted for the first time this evening with 2:16 left in the 3rd quarter, hold a comfy 24-point lead against the Red Raiders, back in Minneapolis the 6th Annual Winter Waddle 5-K just finished. Founded and hosted by my friend, the toxically overexposed Mike McCollow (whose name appears frequently in Steve Rushin's "Air & Space" column...then again, look who's calling someone else overexposed), the race dares Minnesota's winter chill to scare hearty harriers away from their pastime. In fact the Winter Waddle is held after sundown, just in case there was a slight chance of solar warmth ruiing the fun.

I'll have the results of the Waddle for you soon.

Texas Tech's Keith Toogood just kicked off to begin the second half. If only the Golden Gophers had a kick returner named Ben True. Then the play would be "Toogood to B. True".

(sometimes I just write blog items to head off G.A. at the pass)

Cupito just completed a ten-yard pass to Simmons. Now he has as many catches, more yards and as many TD's as Spaeth did versus Penn State. And I'll stop whipping that horse now until the game is over.

--I know what you're thinking: Isn't Texas Tech supposed to be this high-scoring machine? Well, while it is true that Graham Harrell, the Red Raider QB, is ranked third in the nation in passing yards and Tech is also third in the nation in passing offense, they're down (for them) in scoring this year. The Red Raiders are only 16th nationally in scoring, with 31.5 points per game. Twice they've been held to lower totals than tonight's 7 points: Texas Christian beat them 12-2 and Colorado silenced them 30-6.

And if you're a Tech fan hoping for a comeback, well, Minnesota just took off nearly half the 3rd quarter (7:13) with a 16-play drive to open the second half. The Gophers only kicked a field goal, but that's a lot of time off the clock.

That and the fact that Minnesota has not yet had to punt tonight.

Because Texas Tech received the opening kickoff, we were not treated to the sight of their kickoff specialist, Keith Toogood, until just a moment ago after the Red Raiders scored their first TD of the game late in the first half. One play before Toogood's teammate, Alex Trlica, converted the PAT. That was the junior from Friendswood's (TX) 162nd successful PAT in 162 career attempts, setting an NCAA record.

--Bryan Cupito just had my 2007 Mackey Award winner Jack Simmons wide open in the end zone but instead chose to attempt the more difficult pass to wideout Logan Payne, who was double-covered. Payne caught it anyway. It's been that kind of opening half for the Golden Gophers, who are vying to become the second team in as many bowlnanza evenings to have a "Golden" in their name and win.

In just the first half for Minnesota...

--Quarterback Bryan Cupito has broken Minnesota's single-season touchdown passes mark (22) and tied former Golden Gopher Cory Sauter's career TD passes mark at 55. Cupito has three first half TD tosses.
--Tailback Amir Pinnix has rushed for 142 yards (his season-high is 178 at Purdue)
--My man Jack Simmons has 5 catches for 101 yards and 1 TD. If Cupito had made the correct read on Minnesota's last TD, he'd have 6 for 104 and 2 TDs. Again, the man he backs up, Mackey Award winner Matt Spaeth, had 6 catchds, 99 yards and 1 TD in his most productive game of the season. There's more to playing tight end than just catching passes, but it does make a fun note.

Or, "Repent, Tempe".

Walking into Sun Devil Stadium this evening, a structure I grew up just four miles away from, I spotted a young blonde woman (as you always seem to do, JW--Wait! Wait! It's not what you think) holding the largest sign I've seen yet this bowlnanza. It read (and I'll have a photo of it for you tomorrow):

LAST DAYS!
SATAN RULES!
TURN TO JESUS
NOT CHURCH!

The young woman told me that her name was Elizabeth, and that she was here to warn the attendees of tonight's Insight Bowl that life is short and that they should turn to Jesus.

"All of this is emptiness," she said. At first I simply assumed that she was referring to the upper tier of Sun Devil Stadium, but she meant the game itself. "Church is for hypocrites. Jesus is not a system, he's a person."

With that Elizabeth handed me a few pamphlets.

There were some ironies here. No more than ten feet away from Elizabeth a young man about her age had a dozen tickets fanned out in his hand, looking to scalp them. Then there's the fact that she's protesting Satan outside Sun Devil Stadium. Lastly, I wondered if her sign might garner more attention if it read:

E verybody
Should
Pray
Now!

In case you're wondering, I don't think Elizabeth is a nutjob at all. Not a "Crazy Christian", as Aaron Sorkin's characters might say. In many ways, Elizabeth is the sanest person I've met in the last week. Certainly more sane than someone attending three bowls in as many days and driving 100 mph through much of the wee hours of the night in order to attend a game between two teams whose combined record is 13-12.

He didn't originate the saying, but Max Kellerman once told me that "sports is man's ulitmate joke on God, because people are so passionate about sports even though they're meaningless."

And in terms of relative meaninglessness, tonight's Insight Bowl is even moreso. That may be God's ultimate joke on me.

Mainly because I find puns irresistible (Luau Cinder, anyone?), I spent halftime and the third quarter canvassing the sidelines. That way I could write the above headline.

As for the half, the Qualcomm folks are a little too enamored of fireworks. At both this game and the Poinsettia Bowl, they turned the air above the stadium into the opening credits of Love, American Style (showing my age yet again).

After both the A&M and Cal bands performed (without any pyrotechnics), some high school all-star band took the field. At that point, and whoever produced this part of the show should have to attend a post-game press conference, they put some type of All-Star marching band on the field whose numbers exceeded that of the population of Chula Vista. And yet, with all those band nerds playing all those instruments, you couldn't hear them over both the fireworks and the piped-in music blaring on the speakers. The fans might have booed, but then if they did, who could have heard them?

I'm telling you, Seminole County (last night) would have benefited from that fireworks display.

Anyway, it was sad. At one point I looked over at a Cal cheerleader and saw her mouth the words, "I feel sorry for the band" as she looked on. That's generally how I always feel when I see the band, but this time I particularly agreed with her.

Besides that, I wish that I had more to report. Renowned Cal alum/hanger-on Adam Duritz (better known as the lead singer of the Counting Crows) is nowhere to be found. Either that or he's ditched his dreds. Even one of my favorite football players, long-time San Diego Charger longsnapper/ladykiller David Binn ( a Cal alum) is nowhere to be found.

Notes on tonight's two quarterbacks, both of whom have thrown just one incomplete pass through 1 1/2 quarters this evening:

--Nate Longshore, Cal: The second Longshore of Bowlnanza, as his brother Nick is an offensive lineman at Brigham Young

--Stephen McGee, Texas A&M: While he is perhaps the most fearless--or, if you prefer, reckless--quarterback in the country when it comes to running the ball, the sophomore from Burnet, Texas, is as prudent--or if you prefer, fortunate--when it comes to passing it. McGee threw just two picks in 274 attempts this season, leading the nation with a 0.73% interception/attempt ratio. And if you just watched McGee throw a pass across nearly two-thirds of the field while rolling right, you may want to go with lucky over prudent.

McGee, Jorvorskie Lane nd Cal's DeSean Jackson are alll sophomores. Plenty of great young talent in this game.

Sorry I'm late. The flight outta San Francisco was delayed two hours. The folks at Hertz were out of cars. the traffic directors at Qualcomm were trying to recreate the flee-for-your-lives scene from Deep Impact . My dog ate the blog. As Alan Alda and McLean Stevenson probably once said, "Swit happens."

I'm calling it Jack Murphy Stadium's Law: If anything can delay you, it will. Then, as I was waiting on the media will call line, there was just one lone photographer behind me, but he was one of those "If I just stand closer to the person in front of me on line, then I'll get through it quicker" types. Honestly, at one point I thought that Brangelina were about to bless our civil union. Finally, I gently nudged him back and asked him to stop copulating me. "What, you don't like Asians?" he asked.

Arriving late does have its benefits, though. I did witness a BMW plow into a black Escalade, setting off a huge argument between two middle-aged men. Aslo, here's a phenomenon only latecomers get to see: the Navy jet flyover causes dozens, if not hundreds, of car alarms to go off in the parking lot. It was a symphony of cacaphony.

The Qualtense Stadium is sold out. And the Cal fans are the loudest I've heard in five games thus far. The Aggie fans are nearly as fired up. Me, I'm looking forward to watching DeSean Jackson and Marshawn Lynch of Cal and Stephen McGee and Jorvorskie Lane of A&M.

Right now it's 7-7. I'll check back after I catch my breath. Meanwhile....

Now, that would be a game. The Munchkins versus the Flying Monkeys. Then again, a game or two from now, I won't really be able to tell if the Flying Monkeys are playing the Arctic Monkeys (20 bonus points for naming a hot band of '06).

Chris Markey (UCLA) and Lorenzo Booker (FSU) are both having themselves career games tonight, and both are number 28. Which brings me to the movie trailer I saw for "23", starring Jim Carrey. In the trailer they mention all the kooky things about the number: our parents each supply 23 chromosomes, that Nagasaki took place on August 15 (8/15, 8 + 15 = 23), that Waco and Oklahoma City took place on 4/19 (4 + 19 =23) , and that 2 divided by 3 = .666, which, if you don't care about decimal points (my high school algebra teacher, Dan Whitehead, certainly did), is the number of the beast.

All of which is to bring us to this point: It wasn't in the trailer, but if that movie does not at least spend 30 seconds on Michael Jordan, then I lose all faith in Hollywood.

Appropriate to use a baseball term to describe where we're sitting, since we're inside a baseball park. The baseball press box is well-situated at AT&T, since it's behind home plate. But that means for football that our vantage point is low and that we're off beyond the corner of the UCLA end zone. In short, you're getting a much better view of the game from your couch.

Fight! No, not on the field, in the seats right in front of us. At least it was between a Seminole fan and a Bruin fan (I'm giving it to the FSU fan on a decision).

I'm seated next to venerable--and personable--columnist Art Spander, who informs me that he has attended the last 53 Rose Bowls in a row, going all the way back to selling programs there as a kid. That's pretty cool, but how many Emerald Bowls in a row have you made, I ask?

"Not all five."

Four-play sequence:

1. Florida State punts from the UCLA 31 yard line. Is this the same school that once had Scott Bentley and Sebastian Janikowski? I'll refrain from any wide right jokes. The punt is successful, being downed at the Bruin 7.
2. Chris Markey fumbles after about a ten-yard gain and FSU's Buster Davis recovers.
3. On 1st-and-ten from the Bruin 25, Lorenzo Booker carries off left tackle for a touchdown.

AND THEN, THE PRESS BOX ANNOUNCER ACTUALLY INFORMS US: "THE TEAM THAT HAS SCORED FIRST HAS WON TWO OF THE PREVIOUS FOUR EMERALD BOWLS".

So you can take that to the bank.

4. On 1st-and-ten from their own 22, UCLA scores on a 78-yard pass from Patrick Cowan to Brandon Breazell, who ran a post route and went untouched.

My Fellow Bolwnanzans,

It's about half an hour before the Emerald Bowl on a clear, cool night in San Francisco. Thus begins a "grueling" stretch of five bowl games in the next six days (I can feel your sympathy). Tonight it's the Emerald, then the Holiday, then the Insight. After a travel day, we'll move on to the MPC Computers followed by the Fiesta.

But I cannot afford to look past tonight. Cannot look past Florida State-UCLA. The game is a homecoming of sorts for Florida State senior tailback Lorenzo Booker, who is from Oxnard, Calif. (about an hour northwest of Los Angeles).
The 'noles have never played in northern California and FSU has never met UCLA in football.

The Seminoles (6-6), have not had a losing season since Bobby Bowden's inaugural one in Tallahassee, back in 1976. So there's the negative incentive for the Garnet and Gold tonight.

As for UCLA, they're trying to become the first Pac-10 school to win a bowl game this December (0-2 thus far) and to continue a late-season surge where they've won three straight and allowed a total of 28 points agains Oregon State, Arizona State and USC.

Right now they're honoring the University of San Francisco Dons 1951 football team. Nine of their players went on to the NFL and three of them --Ollie Matson, Gino Marchetti and Bob St. Clair-- are in the Pro Football Hall of Fame. The team's publicist was Pete Rozelle.

The Dons are one of those stories that someone will make into a movie someday. The team went 9-0 in 1951 and two of their best players were Matson, a running back, and Burl Toler, a linebacker. Both were black. The Orange Bowl invited USF to play in its game after the season against Georgia Tech with the stipulation that Matson and Toler remain behind. As a team, the Dons refused the invitation. They never played again, as the program was disbanded a few weeks later.

St. Clair, by the way, who is still a live, is a mythic Bay Area figure. Still larger than Sasquatch, the 6'9", 265-pound St. Clair would go on to play for the San Francisco 49ers. He was renowned for only eating his meat raw (his autobiography is entitled "I'll Take It Raw") and for once knocking out two opposing players (on separate blocks) on one kickoff return. A free spirit, St. Clair once left in the middle of a chalk talk given by Vince Lombardi in order to hit a happy hour. Then again, it was only the Pro Bowl. St. Clair also went on to be the mayor of Daly City. Calif., where he once quelled a nudist beach riot. Tough job.

--By the way, even though Florida State has never met UCLA in football, two of their female alums are currently cited on another sports site as being two of the 20 sexiest female athletes: for the Seminoles, former volleyball player Gabrielle Reece. For the Bruins, former high jumper (and Olympian) Amy Acuff.

--A pregame advisory: I plan on doing more observing and less typing tonight. I'm discovering that I'm not getting into the flow of the game as much as I'd like to with all these pithy observations. The republic will sleep just as easily not having my ten best Hawaiian television moments, for example, I believe.

Enjoy the game.

Fellow Bowlnanzans!

Greetings from San Francisco. Actually, greetings from Burlingame, just a few miles south of the San Francisco Airport. Haven't actually made it into San Francisco yet.

It'll be a tough day for arguably the NCAA's best field-goal kicker, UCLA All-American Justin Medlock. The winds are blowing, I'm guessing here, about 30 m.p.h. off the bay. If the winds are this strong at Pac Bell this evening, don't expect much of a passing game, either.

--Reason to like UCLA's chances tonight? Florida State's offense, which finished 73rd nationally.

--Just heard a CNN anchor refer to President Gerald Ford having played for the "gold and blue" of Michigan. And with that an entire state shuddered. They call it maize, of course.

Merry Christmas!

Going to keep this short, since it's been a long and fun day. Spent the early part of the day at Lanikai, which someone here told me was voted best beach in the USA. I drove out about 20 or so miles east from Waikiki to get there, and had the radio station tuned to Christmas music the entire time. It's wild to be listening to that Beach Boys Christmas tune ("It's the little Saint Nick...") as you're driving along the coast of Oahu on an absolutely perfect day.

Went sea-kayaking for about two hours. Rented a kayak almost immediately upon arriving, and then got a little ambitious paddling out about half a mile to a pair of islands that have some killer cross-currents--and waves. Had to paddle back furiously just to return the kayak before the rental place closed. In short, my day at the beach was no day at the beach.

Met a new pal, Pali, at the Shell Station in Kailua. Asked him if he were hiring. "Where you from?" he asked me. I told him. "Ah, that's like Waikiki," he said. "Concrete jungle."

I returned to Waikiki for a luau at the Royal Hawaiian hotel. It's very touristy, but you take your fire dancing where you can get it. Some little kid tried to make off with my drink, and I hollered, "That's mai-tai, son!" And then everyone at my table looked around to see if he was there. That actually happened.*

(*That never happened)

Finished the the night off with a walk along Waikiki beach, where I passed a number of sleeping Don Hobos. Took a photo at the Duke Kahonomoku statue that you've probably seen in photos. A plaque here reads that Duke once rode a 35-foot wave into Waikiki beach. Without a waverunner? I'm dubious.

Hope your Christmas was, if not tropical like mine, then at least filled with warm memories. Rest in peace, Godfather of Soul.

JW

Despite suffering from highlight Tourette's Deion Sanders is tremendous in the NFL Network studio. Funny. Conversational. Insightful. Not afraid to take a swipe.

As for the Tourette's he's got a nasty habit of blurting out pet names of former teammates and buddies whenever one makes a play on a highlight. We get it. You know them. They know you. But it's a minor annoyance and I'm sure some people think it's entertaining.

It was 27-10, fourth quarter, and ASU has a lame-duck staff. You would expect that the Devils might fold up the pitch forks. But no. The alma mater of my brother and sister has stormed back for a pair of TDs and now it's 27-24 with 9:56 to play.

Whereas the first two games of the bowlnanza were blownanzas, or blowoutnanzas, we have a game here on Christmas eve. ASU's Mark Brand reminds me that Dirk Koetter has taken the Devils to four bowl games in six seasons and they've won two in a row.

Koetter, in retrospect, lost his job at least in part to the Rudy Carpenter-Sam Keller fiasco last August. But I suspect there's a lot about that situation that has not been reported, and that perhaps Koetter kept his mouth shut rather than damage someone else's reputation. At this point, we don't know.

Koetter can be a little contemptuous of the media and for that reason his departure did not elicit many tears in Tempe. But I doubt anyone besides Koetter, Keller and the guys who dress in the ASU locker room knows what really went on last summer.