NBA ALL-STAR TRAVESTY

The NBA All-Star Game voting results came in earlier today and tell me you're not as shocked as I am. Yes, most of the names on that list are deserving. But maybe the NBA needs to review its voting procedures to safeguard itself and the integrity of the league.

Because there's always one or two perfomers who get the shaft. Performers such as Becky, who was beaten out by fellow Laker Girl Jessica. And what about Chelsea of the Detroit Pistons' "Automotion" squad losing out to teammate Erin? You wonder if the voters even watch the games. Or, the timeouts during the games.

This year, for the first time in its history, the NBA is staging the NBA game in a non-NBA city. The game will be held in Las Vegas, which means that it will probably by the most highly attended All-Star game by players not named to the All-Star team in NBA histoy. But that's an aside.

The real issue is that, since there's no NBA host team, there is also no host dance squad. If, say, Indiana was hosting the All-Star Game, then the Pacemates would be the designated dance troupe. But, since there's no home franchise this season the folks at the league offices in New York City found themselves in a bind. Sure, there is no shortage of dancers in Las Vegas--some of them, I presume, quite familiar with NBA rosters--but the league couldn't use them.

Then someone at the NBA had a brilliant idea. If fans can vote for players, why not dancers, too? Especially since this is the first season in which every NBA franchise has a dance squad now that the Celtics have succumbed to the terpsichorean wants of the masses. And thus, a new term was born:

ALL-STAR DANCERS!

Each team was asked to submit three nominees. Then, beginning on January 4th and running until January 21st, fans were invited to vote for their favorite dancer from each squad. Apparently--I am told--there are those who log on to NBA team sites and browse pages other than player bios, schedules and stats. Apparently--from what I hear--each site has links to a dancer page and individual dancer bios.

And so some fans already felt connected to a dancer or two before this balloting got underway earlier this month.

Admittedly, I was a latecomer to this leggy new world, but I happen to be a huge fan of suffrage in all forms and of democracy in general. So I assessed the candidates without any sense of guilt, since it's not really an election year anyway? From what other political races was I being distracted?(I'll leave the risque "exit polling" jokes to someone of less refinement and taste).

And so, last Tuesday, I was as anxious as James Carville was in November of '92 to learn of the results of the All-Star balloting. I'd handicapped the races and I really felt that Becky was a shoo-in for the Lakers. Four years on the squad and she majored in dance at Colorado State. Jessica was a worthy opponent, it seemed, but she had only half Becky's experience with the Laker Girls and (unofficially) had fended off only one-third as many marriage proposals from Jack Nicholson. Becky, it seemed to me, was the obvious people's choice.

But, alas, this lass that I supported failed to win.

As for the Automotion, again I went with Chelsea and experience. On her bio under "Dance Experience" it says "18 years of training and counting." Erin is a solid candidate, no doubt, but she has only 14 years' dance experience. The vox populi spoke and they apparently said, "Chelsea, we don't care about your four more years of dance experience."

By and large, the voters spoke and they spoke responsibly. For example, Julie of the Houston Rockets Power Dancers (whose favorite movie, ironically, is "Failure to Launch") is the "Yowza!" to the Rockets' Yao.

But some of the selections, I'm sorry, I just cannot get behind. Maybe next year they will tweak the balloting. First, every dancer on every squad is eligble to be elected. And maybe, just maybe, they leave the balloting to their fellow dancers. Or to the NBA players.

By the way, I hear that two-time reigning MVP Steve Nash of the Phoenix Suns failed to be voted on to the starting team for the West. Big deal.