ROVE, ACTUALLY

In Arizona. Today I was driving through West Chandler , which is a section of one of the fastest-growing American suburbs of the past five years, and not the former San Diego Chargers wide receiver. Anyway, I drove past a pub that was named The Regal Beagle . Was tempted to stop in and see if Larry and Tripper were there, biting their palms in ecstasy whenever a fabulous babe strolled past.

Let's get a few of the sportsy things out of the way, shall we?

1. The Kobe Bryant demand/retraction is not a story. When I behaved like a petulant child (the latest episode, only hours ago) and made ridiculous statements ("General Irko, Dr. Zaius and I are running away to the Forbidden Zone!") my parents just ignored me. Every columnist/talking head should have done the same.
Besides, what kind of assurance can ESPN really give us that they were not complicit in manufacturing this story? The NBA playoffs have become an afterthought (Dear Commissioner Injustice: Any postseason that makes Pirates of the Caribbean 3 seem brief by comparison is in need of tweaking) so suddenly the league's highest profile player suddenly breaks his story on Screamin' A. Smith's radio show. Then retracts it on Dan Patrick's? And SportsCenter devotes more time to this "story" than they do to the Jazz-Spurs? I smell an exec coveting a higher ratings share.

2. I like the SC anchors John Andersen and Scott Van Pelt . They're what SportsCenter anchors should be. Witty (without stealing the show) self-deprecating and infused with common sense.

3. I'll be diving the Marianas Trench later this week in search of the New York Post's reputation. If you did not see it, the Post ran a cover photo of Yankee 3rd baseman Alex Rodriguez with a busty blonde (not his wife) waiting for a hotel elevator in Toronto the other night. The story ("Stray-Rod") detailed Rodriguez's night out, which included a fancy dinner (with the woman and two male companions), a visit to a strip club and then implied that A-Rod and the blonde may have retired to the same floor of the hotel together.
What in the name of Joumanna Kidd is going on here?
Last summer The Post waited until July to embarrass A-Rod in public, running a cover shot of him sunbathing in Central Park (regrettably, in jean shorts) on the afternoon of a game. This year they wanted to get a head start.
It's amazing that you'll never see a photo of Derek Jeter with a woman in public unless she is famous herself. And while Jeter is single, the New York press never invades his personal space, even though he does not exactly have a reputation of sitting home and reading the "Left Behind" series.
The Post clearly crossed the line here, and I'm sure that their Yankee beat writer, George King, truly appreciated that maneuver. I'm wondering whether their in-house gadfly, sports media columnist Phil Mushnick , who never spares the rod in excoriating TV/radio folk for violating principles or being ethically challenged in favor of sucking up to whomever is signing their checks, will have anything to say about this episode.

4. Twenty-one of Major League Baseball's thirty teams have better records than the Yankees. That's 70% of the league. The Yanks were the first baseball story on SportsCenter this evening. I mean, the Colorado Rockies entered last night having won seven straight. The Arizona Diamondbacks ended the night with a seven-game win streak. And yet the Yankees hit leadoff
America loves a trainwreck. The Bombers are the Britney Spears of baseball (they may have beaten Toronto on Wednesday, but they've lost five of the last six series they've played).

5. That said, I heard Richard Justice say on PTI last week that this season will not play out like 1978, when New York trailed Boston by as much as 14 games in July and yet came back to win the pennant (and World Series). Justice said that that is unlikely to happen because "these are not the 1978 Red Sox". He's right. Those Red Sox were better.
Name your big four Boston batters of 2007: David Ortiz, Manny Ramirez, Jason Varitek and Kevin Youklis?
I'll take their 1978 analogues: Jim Rice, Fred Lynn, Carlton Fisk and Dwight Evans. That's before we even talk about Carl Yastrzemski, even if he was at the end of his career. Butch Hobson. Jerry Remy. George Scott.
Rick Burleson was the closest thing to an easy out in that lineup. You never got a break. And don't try comparing their offensive numbers to their '07 Sox successors. It's a different era.
Dennis Eckersley was a 20-game winner, the '78 Sox version of Josh Beckett. Luis Tiant was also near the end, but still effective. The only place where these Sox are unquestionably better than those is in the bullpen. But in July of 1978, the Boston Red Sox appeared to be absolutely invincible. It's a long season.

6. Here's the scenario: Two outs, top of the ninth, and let's say it's the 7th game of the World Series (and, just to make it more dramatic, there's a flaming meteor hurtling toward Earth). Anyway, the Yankees are down by one run and Derek Jeter, the tying run, is on first. A-Rod is up and he hits a towering fly between shortstop and 3rd base. As Jeter is running it out and he approaches an area near the two players, does he bark, "Ha!"?
Probably not. And that is one reason why A-Rod, despite perhaps being the most talented player in baseball, will never garner the respect Jeter does (that and the four rings fewer issue). A-Rod may lead the majors in homers and be fourth in RBI, but that ploy in Toronto last night and one a week earlier at 2nd base against Boston--when he blatantly elbowed Sox second baseman Dustin Pedroia coming up from his slide to break up a double play--are going to get you mentioned alongside Ty Cobb for more than just your hitting prowess.
On the other hand--and maybe A-Rod's thinking this--if the dude following him in the batting order could maybe get a base hit when he's standing on first, then he wouldn't have to resort to such crimes and misdemeanors.

7. Lacrosse leftovers: First, some apologies for mistakes made. To the former SID who wrote in and reminded me that the practice of tacky T-shirts handouts is perpetrated not by SIDs (sports information directors) but by NCAA stooges, thank you. And I'm sorry.
Meanwhile, NCAA, why exactly are you doing that? To remind everyone that the NCAA is putting on the show? Why? You've got a monopoly; it's not like we or the athletes have a choice. Stop acting like the overbearing parent at his kid's Little League game who forgets whom the moment should actually be for. We'd respect you more if you just put on a good show and stayed out of the glory-grabbing business
Another apology, to Austin Walker of Johns Hopkins. I wrote that no African-Americans had played on Monday, but Walker, the son of former New York Jet wideout Wesley Walker, did. And Austin's older brother, John, was an All-American at Army and a finalist for the Tewaaraton Trophy in 2005. Looks like Wesley and his wife did a fine job of raising the kids.
As for the Duke team being given another year of eligibility by the NCAA, I don't agree with that. The NCAA did not end Duke's season in 2006; Duke did. While the circumstances may be extraordinary, the NCAA should have told Duke that losing that year was one of just many ramifications the Blue Devil brass should have considered before they pulled the plug last spring.

Non-Sports Thoughts