HE HAWES

The Sacramento Monarchs just selected Spencer Hawes, a seven-footer out of U-Dub. Oh, wait, it was the Sacramento Kings. So, just seconds after Hawes is selected, all of us inside the theater are treated to hearing Jay Bilas' analysis of Hawes. Bilas says that Hawes is not a great rebounder, not a shot-blocker, needs to be more aggressive. And then they cut immediately to Stu Scott, who has Hawes seated right next to him. And they're both seated no more than fifteen feet away from Bilas.

And you have to imagine Hawes is thinking, "(Bleep) you very much, Jay."

And his next thought is, How'd that NBA career work out for you, Mr. Bilas? (he played overseas professionally).

Now Screamin' A. Smith is bellowing that the Bulls messed up by selecting Noah instead of Hawes. I disagree. Yes, Hawes is more of a low-post player, and Chicago allegedly needs that, but does anyone really need another big white stiff who's just going to get his shot blocked by any athletic center he goes against? The last truly dominant white seven footer was, well, George Mikan. Think of all the great white post players since then. Great. Not Zydrunas Ilgauskaus. Exactly. Arvydas Sabonis. And who else?

Spencer Hawes will be an okay player, but he's more likely to be another Mattt Geiger/Tom Boerwinkle/Bryant Reeves than he will the next George Mikan. If you tell me my team has Kirk Hinrichmaneuver, Luol Deng, Ben gordon, Tyrus Thomas, Andres Nocioni and Joakim Noah, I'll just roll the ball out on the floor and tell 'em to run.

I'm not sure why, but there's a yellow labrador retriever lying about 20 feet in front of the ESPN set. Let's hope he's the only dog in this draft.

The Hawks just selected Acie Law IV with the XIth pick (see how I did that, getting all Roman on you?). Good pick. I live Law better than Georgia Tech's Javaris Crittendon, even though he's home-grown and the Hawks probably felt a little pressure to take him. Law, like Noah, has the one quality that no GM in any sport never values enough: he's a gamer. The essence of gamer, by the way, the patron saint of gamers, is Joe Montana. In the NBA, you'd have to say it was Magic, Larry and Michael. The antithesis of gamer? Michael Olawakandi.