John Tucker Is Atop My Mock Draft

I was watching "John Tucker Must Die" the other night--I was just flipping, people! "Scrubs" was on a commercial break--and I came across this lay-up line scene in which Tucker and his teammates discover the magical bouncy qualities that women's thongs provide. They're all wearing thong underwear and leaping as if it's a "Slam Ball" All-Star Game. And I'm wondering, Why don't films hire sports consultants? Or at least hire sports consultants who'll tell a director how he's just nuked the suspension of disbelief amongst his audience.

Sure, the director was going for a little hyperbole, but at that extreme he might as well have just given Tucker body hair and called it "Teen Wolf 3". On the other hand, if John Tucker seriousy has those hops, I'm totally picking him ahead of Josh McRoberts, whose my choice to be "Most Posterized Rookie" in the class of 2007.

Admit it: Wouldn't you love it if Portland chose Kevin Durant, now that Rick Bucher of ESPN has reported that they've notified Greg Oden's agent that he'll be the top overall pick? Wouldn't you love it if the Trail Blazers selected Durant number one overall and when Geoff Petrie was asked how come, he simply replied, "Out of spite."

Bucher may have a legitimate source, but what risk does he take by "reporting" this? Everyone already assumes Oden will go number one, and when he does, what's Bucher going to say? "See, I told you I was right," he'll boast. I might as well brag that I have an unidentified source who tells me that Joe Girardi will become the next manager of the Yankees.

I'll be live-blogging the draft tonight, from the draft itself. Bill Simmons is the acknowledged and deserving master of the NBA draft live-blog, and I don't profess to know or care as much about salary cap issues, "Roadhouse" or The Bravery as he does. All I can offer is that I'll be there and he'll be on his couch. When Stephen A. Smith breaks out the cheezy doodles, I'll have it for you first.

Meg, Claire and To Catch a Predator

Did anyone else see Claire Danes on Letterman last night? I have three words to say about her appearance.

Oh.
My.
God.

If I were Ralph Malph, I'd be biting my open palm. Jordan Catalano must be wincing. Claire wore a form-fitting white dress, a dark tan and golden blonde hair. She looked more like a Wimbledon semi-finalist than an actress. This is Angela Chase??? The transformation she's undergone from her "My So-Called Life" days to now--a span of just 13 years--is, well, Bondsian. And it's been twenty years since she first hit it big with her single, "Tell It To My Heart". What a career.

Tangentially, I asked my actor friend Tom if there's a thespian equivalent to being on steroids ("Look at how he's emoting lately") and he replied that he wasn't sure, but that there may be a literal version of actors-on-roids. I looked at him curiously, and replied, "Did you see Hank Azaria in Along Came Polly ?"

Good point.

Anyway, Miss Danes was absolutely stunning. I give Hugh Dancy about three weeks. I see Timberlake, Jeter and Clooney all moving in on her.

The breakout TV star of the young summer, as far as I'm concerned, is Mel (Kristen Schaal) on Flight of the Conchords . Meg represnts the band's "fan base", and plays the stalker part completely over the top and to great effect. She's so talented, I bet she even makes Ricky Gervais laugh. Mel gets one or two scenes per show, but it's always the most inspired moment in the show. Last Sunday she was riding in the back seat of the car between her idols, Bret and Jemaine, as her husband drove them home from a gig. Forget how funny her lines were; just the sight gag of her squeezed in the back seat between the two Conchords--both of them wearing seatbelts and looking highly uncomfortable--as the front seat of the car was empty (which made it easier to shoot, by the way) was hilarious.

I love Tina Fey, too, but right now Kristen Schaal is the funniest woman on television.

--And, finally, for now, I've always considered G.A. (Greg Auman) to be the fifth Beatle of NBCSports.com. Or perhaps even the George Martin. Once again, today, G.A. provides an invaluable service by pointing out this seemingly innocuous arrest in his Sunshine State netherworld. Check out the name of the accused. Then check out why he was arrested. This needs to be its own hour-long sweeps week worthy To Catch A Predator :

http://www.hcso.tampa.fl.us/pub/default.asp?/Online/qdisp/bn=07041323