LABREA GUITAR PITS

What in the name of Eddie Van Halen is happening? I turn on the CNBC this morning--actually, first I turned to ESPN2 to listen to Mike & Mike, but they are being pre-empted by Wimbledon coverage. So that the first thing I heard this morning when I flipped on the tube was Mary Carillo (THE BEST!) say, "He's getting more and more metrosexual."

I don't even know who she was talking about, but it almost felt as if she were talking to me.

Anyway, here's what I cannot figure. Somehow, before the NYSE (New York Stock Exchange) opens this morning, a share of stock from The Guitar Center (GTCR) (although, if I were the CEO of The Guitar Center, I'd insist that our stock symbol be ROCK....I mean, wouldn't you?) has risen $10, from $50 to $60. That's just insane.

I mean, did every teenager just wake up yesterday and say, "Damn, I DO wanna be Jack White!" You and I can surely recall the early Eighties, when the run-up on synthesizers went bonkers and if you were a lucky shareholder in Synths-R-Us you'd have made a fortune. Of course, hopefully you got out before the first playing of "Smells Like Teen Spirit", which was literally the death knell of that company.

So, if you owned Guitar Center stock before yesterday, congratulations. I don't know how it happened (I'm guessing that they just released an earnings report), but me, I'm staying with the small-business guitar stores on 48th Street here in Manhattan. And, someday, hopefully before I die, I'll be able to play an F chord. For now, I'm still solid on G and C, while e minor is my favorite (and easiest).

( Update: Just learned that some private equity firm purchased The Guitar Center and that's why the stock price is shooting up. I wish I understood how one event influenced the other, but I don't. I just do what Cramer tells me to do.)

Yanks A Lot

In the last eight days the New York Yankees have been redefining low-light with almost every game. There was the three-game sweep at Colorado, who, let's face it, is good. Matt Holliday deserves your All-Star vote. Then the Saturday meltdown in San Fran, when the Bronx Bumblers (thanks, Joe) could not protect Chien Ming-Wang's three-run lead. And only A-Rod seemed to remember how to hit.

Last night, in Baltimore, was a new nadir. The Orioles scored two runs basically because Miguel Cabrera forgot that centerfielders need to be aggressive. With the score tied 2-2 in the 9th, New York brought in Scott Proctor (my vote for the most--if not only--underpaid athlete in pro sports), who proceeded to walk three of the five batters he faced, including the winning run. And it didn't have to be that way, but Proctor, who made a nice diving catch of a sacrifice bunt attempt, lacked the sense to turn and look toward second base, where the lead runner (Corey Patterson) was almost at 3rd base. Proctor could have doubled him up easily and then been in much, much better shape.

New York is 36-38 now. My boss, Joe, like me an inveterate Yankee fan, reminds me that the Red Sox played .500 ball for about three months in 2004, when they won the World Series. So there's that. Me, if I see another Yankee batter hit a weak ground ball to second base (and it's always a lefty....Cano, Cabrera, Abreu) because they're trying to pull a pitch they should be taking the other way, I will scream.

As of yesterday, 16 of the 30 teams in the bigs had a better record than the Yankees. None of them have a bigger payroll. None of them have a worse record (4-13) in one-run games. New York has five players, total, who can pat themselves on the back this season: A-Rod, Jeter, Posada, Wang and Andy Pettite. Everyone else should have to take the subway to work.

As for the draft....I like Durant myself, but I saw Oden on PTI the other day and he was such a likeable, what's the word?, Nerd, that I love him. You cannot go wrong pickind Oden, simply because he's such a solid person: and he's only, what, 18, 19?

On the other hand, for as much as I (and many others) love this up-and-down game as popularized by Phoenix and Dallas and now, Golden State, the past few years, look who's won the last two NBA championships. Two teams with the two most dominant big men in the game: Miami (with weight-loss martinet Shaq) and San Antonio (with Mr. Quotable, Tim Duncan). So the conservative move, and the one Portland is likely to make, is Oden.

By the way, I'll be covering the NBA draft tomorrow. Earlier in the day, I will head to the gym and attempt to bench-press 190 pounds. Hopefully someone will snap a photo of it, and I can show Durant.