ULTIMATE BLOG IDEAS
Who knew that running a marathon, and not particularly well, would invite so many comments? And, as one friend deftly pointed out, I only had to run less than two miles per comment, which is completely worth it.
And, naturally, it got me to musing: What would it take to get an honest reader tally of triple-digit comments (I mean, besides being witty, provocative and amusing, a trifecta I've given up on attempting to achieve). Here are some elements, related to this blog's history, that could work:
1. Run a marathon.
2. Stop in middle of marathon to engage in MMA match against...
3. David Stern, or....
4. Howard Stern, but not...
5. Daniel Stern
6. Run race flanked by Lauren Graham and Helen Mirren
7. Engage in a dance-off with ultimate wedding guest BQQB
8. Write blog topless (wait, I'm doing that right now) in hopes to get early jump on People magazine's "Sexiest Bachelor Alive, '08" nomination.
9. Write frothy compare-and-contrast column on the merits of fledgling surf dramas "John From Cincinnati" (HBO) and "Curl Girls" (LOGO) in which I exhaust every last surfing metaphor from "riding the crest of dramatic series" to "now this is what we mean by channel surfing" to "a pipeline of surfing shows" to "caught in the undertow of summer re-runs" to "that Kate Bosworth sure knew how to wear a bikini".
10. Preemptively announce either that 1) Junior Jabbie is my darkhorse to win the Heisman or 2) Notre Dame is sooooo not worthy of appearing in the Rose Bowl next season...not even when they visit UCLA on Oct. 6.
10. Weep openly about having to serve my three-day court-mandated sentence for aggravated loitering.
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About this blog
NBCSports.com's John Walters goes into the world of college sports and well beyond. From Notre Dame to the latest in pop culture, JDub tackles it all.
Trivia: both Scarlett Johansson and Kate Bosworth were in the Horse Whisperer with Robert Redford way back in the last century.
I only stumbled upon this blog because I've created an algorithm that searches the far reaches of the Internet for references to "Daniel Stern" within 50 words of the word "topless." Needless to say, I'm disappointed.
OK. That last anonymous post was me too. If he's getting to 100, I'm probably going to have to chip in more than one. For now, I'm intrigued as to whether we'll get to ... 10. I'm not sure what the Big Kahuna of bad surfing puns would be, but I'm sure you could wax metaphoric ... ok, I'll stop now.
Hey, on an unrelated topic -- though one that might generate enough talk to get us that much closer to, um, 10 posts -- I think we might be at a point where Titans cornerback Adam Jones might be doing things serious enough that we in the media can stop calling him a silly nickname like "Pacman." If you gobble up receivers like random flashing fruit, hey, no problem with an old-school moniker like that, but if all you're doing with regularity is getting questioned by police, I don't ever remember that being part of the video game. Seeing as how a year's suspension didn't really make it "game over" for his off-field problems, maybe addressing him by the same name a judge will would be a good deterrent all by itself. C'mon, fellow posters, help J-Dub to double-digit posts!
There's no crying in baseball or blogging. However, if you end up serving your sentence in lock-up instead of under house arrest and are led from your home in sweats and disheveled hair, then cry all you want so we can call you J-Dub-Hilton. If this were to happen, I'm sure the Johntourage will even start a 'Free J-Dub' campaign so you don't miss re-runs of Scrubs.
Metaphors be with you
I think this makes 6 - you can't say I didn't contribute. But really this is just a shameless ploy for attention on par with Paris' temper tantrum aka mental illness. And Lauren Graham gets Google alerts everytime you mention her and has filled a restraining order in LA Superior Court. I know this to be true - she can legally shoot you if you come within 20 feet of her. On the plus side, you blogging topless is not on YouTube yet and an inside source at People tells me the field is wide open for next year's Sexiest Bachelor. I will personally lobby for a Sports Blogger category to increase your chances.
Crap! Don't even say it - I meant filed!! Not filled!! Pick yourself up off the floor - it's not that funny. And this does not count as 7!
Next year's Sexiest Bachelor? You mean he's gotta live another year like this? Sheeesh!
Let's just hope they don't impose and age limit on next year's Sexiest Bachelor which would disqualify J-Dub.