THE LONG RUN

"Chicken or Fish." "That's right...I Had The Lasagna"

Ever since seeing Airplane!| when it first came out in the summer of 1980, my whole notion of comedy and airline pilots was rocked to its foundations. So as my flight, United 533 from Chicago to San Francisco, was descending over San Francisco Bay yesterday afternoon, I was just hoping that our pilot was a little more competent (or at least more conscious) than Captain Oveur.

Has this ever happened to you on a flight? We were approaching the runway and, I'd estimate we were less than a minute from touching down when all of a sudden the flaps reversed and you could feel us gaining altitude again. This happened to me once before, about 12 years ago, and it's no fun at all.
You sit there wondering what's going on. Is the landing gear not coming down? Or worse, does the pilot work for NASA? Anyway, about a minute or two later our captain came on the loudspeaker and told us we had to "change our vector" because there was "traffic on the runway". I believe that's a euphemism for "If I'd continued our landing, we'd all be breaking news on CNN and MSNBC in about ten minutes."
So at least we're all safe.

Birthday Girls
If you'll just indulge me for a moment (which also happens to be the unofficial title of this blog), I'd like to send out birthday wishes to two special ladies. A belated happy birthday to Tina Cherie, my first girlfriend, who turned 40 on Monday. How long ago did we date? The first time I met her parents, I was so nervous that when I went to shake her dad's hand, I missed. Smooth, Dubs, real smooth.
And a birthday wish to my next girlfriend, Helen Mirren , who turned 62 yesterday...and who just keeps improving with age.

Bonds Market
You probably heard that Barry Bonds, less than pleased with Tuesday's episode of "Costas Now" on HBO, referred to Bob Costas as "that little midget man" yesterday. Surprisingly, no special interest group representing, say, midgets, called for Bonds' firing or immediate dismissal or even an apology. Hmm. Maybe they just attributed the outburst to 'roid rage.
Costas, meanwhile, had a fine rebuttal, admitting that yes, "I'm 5-6 1/2 and a strapping 150, and unlike some people, I came by all of it naturally."
When Bonds was made aware of that response yesterday, he said, "How do you know?"
And so it goes.

Deadspin Flirts With The Gray Lady
My second favorite sports site, after this one, is deadspin.com . Deadspin's tireless editor, Will Leitch, puts just the right touch on off-beat sports stories and, of course, revels in the exposing hypocrites and blowhards (Carl Monday rues the day Leitch was born).
It was surprising though, to visit Deadspin yesterday and see no mention of a story you'd think it would have at least noted. Yesterday, Leitch himself had a piece published on the op-ed page of The New York Times . That's like having Jon Stewart anchor NBC Nightly News.
It was a well-done piece on David Beckham that included a simile worth repeating here. Noting that Beckham is a pop culture star familiar to more Americans than Fabio Cannavaro of Italy (the 2006 World Player of the Year), Leitch made the point that having Cannavaro emigrate to the U.S. as opposed to Becks would be a waste.
"It would be like giving Dick Cheney a private concert by the White Stripes as a birthday present."

Dine-O-Mite
What this blog really needs is its own dining guide. A list of places I've been lucky enough to happen upon--or be directed to--that you should know about if you're ever visiting that town. I'll get to work on that.
My charter inductee would be Logan's Heroes in Logan, Utah, which is more than just a good pun. If you find yourself in Logan and you have a big appetite around lunch time, you will love this place. It's even worth the detour off I-15 just to have one of their subs.
Last night my good friend Candace Murphy, who was Candace Putnam when we both worked at Sports Illustrated and before she married Brian Murphy (morning radio deejay without peer at KNBR 680 AM in San Francisco) took me to a great ice cream shopperie in Oakland. The place is called Fenton's and it's always packed. I guess the Bay Area folk know it well, but the woman who said about Oakland that "there's no there there" (it was Gertrude Stein...who was NOT the mom of the kid on the "Bad News Bears") never had a hot fudge sundae at Fenton's.

And Finally...
Charter Johntourage member Moose points out that a couple of days ago California's Supreme Court barred athletic shoe maker Adidas from selling shoes made from kangaroo leather in the state, reversing a lower court's decision. So, yes, this makes it a kangaroo court.