"IN THE ILLEGAL UNDERGROUND WORLD OF TABLE TENNIS..."

It's been a few days, so let's catch up, shall we?

--Sat down with my good pal Chris Hansen last Friday night to watch the Miss Teen USA pageant on NBC. "Chris, buddy, it should be illegal to have this much fun watching television."

Okay, I've never met the "To Catch A Predator" host, but how beautiful is it that Miss Teen USA and that show both air on the same network (love of my job precludes me from naming that network at this moment)? How beautiful? No more beautiful than Miss Texas, who did not win. Miss Colorado did.

You probably saw the YouTube-worthy response given by Miss South Carolina, Lauren Upton, to the question about how come so many Americans cannot locate the USA on a map. It was rambling and incoherent, and though Upton failed to answer the question in so many words, certainly her response did. After I saw this clip, my first reaction was, "If there's a God, this woman will be the next person to interview Holly Hunter about her new show, "Saving Grace".

****************

Notre Dame held a practice a few days ago that they opened up to Irish students only. Reporters from the school paper, "The Observer", were admonished not to write anything about it. You wonder if ND officials have heard of message boards, MySpace and Facebook yet. The word out of Stalag South Bend is that all three quarterbacks played and that none looked too effective.

As for Saturday's Georgia Tech-Notre Dame game, hear me now and listen to me later: Win or lose, I am more excited about this weekend's game than any Irish game (with the possible exception of USC) from 2006. Last year's edition of the Irish played a lot like the Jackson 5 on their "Victory" tour. The enthusiasm of '05 was missing. The Irish had gone from unranked underdog (first game of the Weis era) to No. 2 ranked overdog (last year's opener) so swiftly that they didn't have their heads on straight. The Irish played a little smug, a little arrogant, all season. Only in the fourth quarter in East Lansing did they really play with the heart and joy that draws fans to a team.

This year's team is a lot like that son or daughter of yours in their first year of T-ball. As long as you see the effort and the sincerity, you'll get behind them. In so many ways this is a wonderful year to be a Notre Dame fan. The burdens of great expectations that are so pervasive most of the time at ND are absent this season. And even if this teams struggles--I see a 7-5 record, maybe 8-4-- anyone watching them knows that this team will be a year older and better in '08.

It's Our Lady's version of the Lady Madonna edition of the Irish: "Lady Madonna/Children at your feet/Wonder how you manage to make ends meet."

And that should have been the theme of this year's inexperiencd Irish: "See how they run."

****************

Johntourager E.W. asks an insightful question about not just summer movies, but movies in general. "How come they report how much money the movie made as opposed to the actual attendance?" It's a great point. I'll never forget driving past the movie theaters on Highway 35 in New Jersey in the summer of '75 as moviegoers waited in lines that wrapped around the theater for the chance to see Jaws . Summer movies were an event then. I imagine that "Jaws" failed to make as much money at the theaters as "Spiderman 3", but did it draw more fans? I bet it did...or if it did not, that might be only because there were far less movie theaters, particularly multi-plexes, back then (i.e, "in the day").

Wouldn't it be cool, though, if we knew what film actually drew the greatest number of people to see it a theaters? And isn't that a far more accurate standard as to the popularity of a film than box office receipts?

**************************

Five Thoughts On Michael Vick

1. My colleague Alan Abrahamson, for whom I have great respect not only as a writer but also because he has a law degree, was unmoved by Vick's mea culpa on Monday. I'd have to disagree. I didn't listen to Vick's apology and instantly want to give him a hug, but I thought he acquitted himself well (pun intended). Now the best thing he can do for himself is to not utter another word in public until he's done serving his time.

2. I've heard this a lot this week from Vick apologists: "It's not as if he murdered somebody". Three reactions to that: First, by saying that you're really illustrating that you do not really find dogfighting that reprehensible (which, by the way, has become the buzzword of the week in regards to this case). If I or any white member of the media had appeared on a talk show last April in regards to the Don Imus fiasco and said, "Why the uproar? It's not as if he murdered somebody?", how racially insensitive would I be? Two, he actually did murder some body--not a person, but a pet. He didn't kill an animal for food or clothing or for any reason having to do with survival. He killed it for fun. That's tantamount to murder. Three, in the words of Chris Rock, "You're not SUPPOSED to murder somebody." In other words, you don't get credit for doing what you're supposed to do, or inversely, for not doing what you're not supposed to do.

3. It struck me as bizarrely comical that the NAACP would come out in support of Michael Vick. Sometimes things are so obvious we fail to see them. NAACP is an acronym for the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People. And that's laudable, of course, that this civil rights organization exists and does so much to promote the rights of minorities. But, from a purely literal sense, how could an organization whose very title informs us that its charter is to advance colored people do anything other than support Vick?
I guess what I'm asking is, Why was it news that the NAACP came out in support of Vick? Any more than it was news that PETA came out in condemnation of the Falcon quarterback? What's next? Does Rod Stewart come out in support of blondes half his age?

4. More than a few jocks or ex-jocks (Keyshawn Johnson, Roy Jones, to name two) went directly to playing the "it's time to move forward" card. Beautiful. I'd love it if Keyshawn caught his wife cheating on him and she just said, "Can't we just move forward?" Not so easy then, is it, Keyshawn? Johnson's "NFL Live" co-host, Emmitt Smith, made more sense than anyone I've heard in discussing the clamor. Smith talked about accountability, and how pro athletes need to learn that lesson.

5. Michael Vick is not a victim. The animals that he and his friends wantonly killed are victims. Roy Jones, speaking on ESPN Radio last Wednesday, seemed preoccupied with lobbying for Vick to return to the NFL, saying that it wouldn't be fair if Vick wasn't allowed to do what he does best.
Everybody deserves a second chance is the notion there. First, if you're already talking about that, then you really do not appreciate the gravity of the crime committed. You just don't think it's that depraved.
Second, here's the problem I have with second (and third, and fourth) chances: People seem to take them. And that, as much as anything, is what plagues that nation that not enough of us can find on a map, these days.