K-9 READING LEVEL

Um, I Have A Name To Suggest

Did anyone else watch "Mike & Not Mike" on ESPN2 on Tuesday morning? Doug Gottlieb and Michael Smith were sitting in for the regular hosts, and naturally they were opining on the MV situation (I mean, the media is positively rabid in its coverage of this story). At one point during the program they began attempting to put MV's "fall from grace" into perspective, as it were, asking viewers to submit names of other athletes whose reputations had plummeted so precipitously: Mark McGwire, O.J., Mike Tyson, etc.
By show's end they must have had a list of two dozen names on the screen. Curiously, one name that never came up during the program was that of Doug Gottlieb. Now, I happen to think that Gottlieb is a terrific college hoops broadcaster, and I'm sure he's a decent chap if you meet him.
But, during his freshman year at Notre Dame in 1995-96, a year in which he started all but four games at point guard, Gottlieb got himself in a little bit of trouble. He stole credit cards from a roomie and charged over $900 of merchandise to those cards. DG was convicted of fraud and kicked off the Irish basketball team.
I'm not perfect, either (though G.A. is!), but it was bizarre to watch Gottlieb and the newest overexposed face at ESPN, Michael Smith, discussing this topic. I didn't see the entire show (I mean, you have to shower some time...and then turn to CNBC to check your GOOG stock and see if Erin Brunette will be teeing off on Mark Haines), but while I was watching the duo never noted this irony.

Because I've Never Owned A Car

I'm 40 and I've still never owned a car (or a home, or insurance of any kind, or even a barbecue grill), but my buddy Mike was talking to me today about his friend who owns a Lexus dealership. I asked Mike if he could talk to his pal for me and told him that this is the conversation I'd like to have with him:

Salesman: "What do I have to do to put you in a Lexus?"

JW: "Who's Alexis?"

Jankees

Just because the Jankees lose two straight to Anaheim--despite three A-Bombs-- doesn't mean I've given up on them....though Jeff Pearlman and John Kruk most likely have. As you probably know, the Angels have owned the Jankees for years. They're the only A.L. team that Joe Torre does not have a winning record against since becoming manager in 1996.
But, if you're a Yankee fan, here's the John Krux of the issue: should the Burning Bronxers make the playoffs, it looks more and more likely that it will be as the wild card. And that means they'd most likely play the A.L. West champ in the opening round. And while Seattle has been very hot lately, you have to like Vladimir, Chone, and Reggie "Whachu Talkin' 'bout" Willits to win the West. Which means New York would have to contend with the Angels in the opening round.
Then again, at this point, if you are a Yankee fan, you should just be satisfied that they're playing in October.

Putting Arli$$ Behind Him

Never liked Arli$$. But yesterday I caught Robert Wuhl on HBO in a special entitled "Assume The Position 201", and he was captivating. Simply put, Wuhl became the most popular college history professor since Sam Kinison in "Back To School". This wasn't fiction. Wuhl walked into a history course (I believe at NYU) and delivered a lecture to students that was filmed.
Wuhl's a natural as a teacher, and his passion was infectious. He mixed pop culture with real facts and, unlike most history professors, had the advantage of a highly-budgeted graphics dept. to help in his power-point presentation. Still, it was fantastic stuff. He did a whole schpiel entitled "We'll Get Through It" in which he compared our present leaders to the alcoholic, pro-slavery president, Franklin Pierce. The kicker, which Wuhl delivered at the end of the lecture, is that our 14th president was a 4th cousin of the mother of our current president. Cool, hunh?
Wuhl also had segments entitled "I Sh*t You Not" (e.g., they served iceberg lettuce on Titanic) and "Real Or No Real", in which he asked students whether people were real or not (Chef Boyardee? Real. Betty Crocker? Not real).
The best teacher I ever had was Fr. William Kirby at Notre Dame. He taught American Warfare and spent at least an hour writing on the chalkboard before we got to class. He also brought photos, bullets, rifles--everything but live P.O.W.'s to class. Fr. Kirby's lectures were closer to performances (he rarely took a question and his script was seamless) and you actually found yourself enjoying the 75 minutes.
Wuhl's "Assume The Position" was much like that. The dude found his niche. He could become the Cramer of history. Here's hoping he returns to a lecture hall near you.