October 2007 Archives
HBO is airing Blood Diamond this month, which I never saw in "theatrical release".
It's a good flick, but now I cannot get that KISS song out of my head Then again, who would want to get a KISS song out of his head?
"Blood Diamond" can be heavy-handed at times (Jennifer Connelly, who has never eclipsed her perfromance in Roy Orbison's "Drive All Night" video, spews lines such as, "This whole continent is suffering, why should I help one person?....I can't believe I just said that."), but suddenly I don't feel as awful about never having bought an engagement ring.
As for the moral high ground aspect of the story, the characters draw the line from veritable slave laborers (who are black Africans) being made to mine diamonds to dreamy-eyed brides who want that huge rock on their fingers...and create the market for which these men are exploited. Which is true, but what about the bling-wearing rappers? There's a certain irony/tragedy to that aspect of the chain. Although I do like the line when Leo tells the strait-laced Connelly, "Back there (in the USA) it's bling-bling. Over here it's bling-bang."
And how come Leo DiCaprio has to die in so many films? Titanic was only the tip of the iceberg (forced chuckle time). There's also The Departed and now Blood Diamond. I can't remember now. Did they kill him off in Growing Pains ?
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Your mileage may vary, but I timed the final play of the "Mississippi Miracle" and it lasted 61 seconds according to my watch. So I was thinking. One of the first things you notice when you watch the 15-lateral masterpiece is that the Millsaps defenders seem to "quit" on the play. Before you come to that conclusion, you have to take into account the following:
1. A normal football play that begins from the line of scrimmage (as opposed to a punt or kickoff) lasts about five to seven seconds. That is, from the snap of the ball until the play is whistled dead.
2. Consider hockey substitions. A normal line shift in the NHL occurs after about 45 to 55 seconds. Those are professional athletes, highly conditioned studs. Not Division III football players.
3. The defense had already played 59:58 worth of a sixty-minute game. Granted, they weren't on the field that entire time, but chances are that the Majors' players were already gassed.
4. In the Cal-Stanford game that everyone cites, those were special teams guys on the field. They were fresher. Because this play started from the line of scrimmage, this was a starting defense (and, yes, offense) who, as noted above, were already tired.
5. Have you ever played a football game in full pads? If so, you know how much harder it is to run around in that equipment. Especially for 61 seconds. Go back just a few weeks ago, Vikings at Cowboys, when a Viking defensive lineman scooped up a Cowboy fumble and rumbled about sixty yards to paydirt. That took less than a dozen seconds, and yet they had to give him oxygen. A trainer ran to the end zone and poured cups of water on him to cool him down.
Granted, the Millsaps defenders did not sprint on a dead run for the entire play, but 61 seconds of keepaway, while in full football gear, is way beyond what players are expected to do.
So how come the Trinity players weren't gassed? First, they were. But secondly, they didn't all have to run. Only the guy with the ball ever really had to sprint. The rest of them just needed to jog close enough for the ballcarrier to pitch it to them.
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Latest can't-miss-entrepeneurial idea: A superhero-themed bowling alley named Lois Lanes . Each lane would be dedicated to a different superhero, for example. And the pins could be villains. We'll definitely have one of these built in itsnotaboutu.
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Finally, my favorite non-cable sitcom these days is How I Met Your Mother . A recent episode involved a character, Ted Mosby, having the same name as a porn star ("He's your doppelganger"..."He's my doppelbanger!"). Not only was it a hilarious conceit that allowed for a slew of cheap jokes throughout the 22 minutes, but it reminded me of a real-life situation. A friend of mine had his named by a fellow family member who was starring in a cinemax film but didn't want that film on his imdb.com resume. So he used the name of my friend (the actor's in-law). I'll probably get in some trouble if I reveal the name of the movie or the nom de porn, but I hope my friend saw this episode.
Here's a funny "Television Without Pity" recap. Enjoy it while I go in search of Welcome to the Sex Plane in my porn library.
Gregg, and rightfully so, has had the TV on the Red Sox celebration since 9 am.
It is now 2 pm.
In that time span, I've officially learned/seen the following:
Every highlight from Game 4.
Listened in on interviews with everyone from Terry F. to the Secretary of Catering for Fenway Park.
David Ortiz sporting the flashiest zip up of all time. Bling!
On that note, Ortiz's son, D'Angelo? Auh-dorable. That hair!
Footage of the team bus ride back into Boston.
Curt Schilling say he wants to come back to Boston for one more year.
Thousands and thousands of fans lining the streets of Boston cheering for their team.
Jonathon Pappelbon in a kilt. That's when my jaw dropped and I realized the NE is just a different group all together.
If you're near a TV, it's pretty cool to see. Lots of Bostonians called in 'sick' today. I'm talking masses of people with signs, jerseys all yelling and screaming.
Now imagine if the Patriots win...
Joe Torre may have been pushed out the door in New York, but it looks like his stint on the un-employed list won't be lasting for much longer. That is, if he wants it...
"This guy is like 70-years old, and he's overthrowing us."
-Greg Jennings on old man river Brett Favre
Denver took it into overtime, but the Packers took home the win. And Green Bay, my friends, was my Survivor Pick of the Week.
Nice.
Dear Diary,
I'm devastated. I thought he might not do it. I thought he was telling the truth when he said he loved me. He told me there was nowhere else he wanted to be. He promised me he was happy. He told me he wanted to stay. Liar!
I saw a future with us... many days and nights of happiness, joy and laughter. I wished for spring in Florida and long Octobers in the Bronx. Who else could give him that???? Who!
Ugh... but I was fooled. I believed him but should've known it was just a scam. A way of holding out hope, when all along he knew what he was going to do. He played me and he played me well. Even though he cheated on her, I never thought he'd do it to me.
I was wrong.
So fine, go to whoever is next. Take him. Give him all you've got. Support him, cheer him on and give all the benefit of the doubt. But when he sucks for you, don't say I didn't tell you so. When the leaves change and a chill is in the air, girl.. he won't perform. I'm telling you!
When it comes to relationships, there's only room for him.
"I've always said it: I love New York." - he says. Ha!
Four years and he walks out on me! Don't let the door hit you on that expensive ass on the way out.
I'll get over it,
New York, New York
Monday morning. Nothing really to get excited about unless...
You're a Red Sox fan. Listen, congrats on winning the Series. Yes, you should celebrate. Yes, you should wear your B hat and talk about it all day today. Has there ever been a city that has just dominated a season in EVERYTHING like Boston?
RED SOX - World Series in four
PATS - Brady, Moss, Undefeated, Unstoppable
BOSTON COLLEGE - Number 2 in BCS. Number 2!!
CELTICS (who knows what they'll wind up doing but it's not crazy to think it might be something special)
Just don't turn cocky. Cause everyone admires a champion, but people LOVE to hate domination.
The Chargers, Patriots and Saints are winning by a combined 83-3 in three of the five afternoon games. Parity's great, isn't it?
The Saints are going to make things interesting in the NFC South, it appears. Currently, the Panthers are 4-3 after their loss to the Colts and the Bucs are 4-3 and in a surprising dogfight with the Quinn Gray-led Jaguars. The Saints should be 3-4 at the end of today. That after an 0-4 start that had them near the bottom of the all-important Tom Curran power rankings.
And we say that sarcastically.
Tom Brady just ran a fake spike pass with 17 seconds left in the half from the Redskins 6 and hit Randy Moss on a lob pass. Moss initiated some contact with Redskins corner Leigh Torrence but there was no flag.
It was Moss' first catch of the game and it capped an 8 plays, 73 yards touchdown drive that too 1:32 to complete.
The score is now 24-0 at halftime.
Brady has thrown 29th touchdown passes, setting a new single season high. Randy Moss has 11 touchdown receptions. He's within one of the Patriots team record held by Stanley Morgan.
The Patriots just embarked on a torturous 14 play, 90-yard drive that ended with a three-yard Tom Brady plunge making it 7-0 New England with 3:48 left in the first quarter.
Too often it looked too easy.
Washington has now gone three-and-out (and were fortunate to get away with that as Asante Samuel just missed a pick-6 on third down).
New England used just two of its conventional defensive linemen -- defensive end Jarvis Green at nose tackle and defensive tackle Ty Warren -- on the third down play.
In the midst of the Patriots march from their own 10 to the doorstep of the Redskins end zone, Washington corner Carlos Rogers had his left leg fold up like a lounge chair while trying to make a tackle.
His return is questionable. For the season.
New England slowed a pretty good opening drive by the Redskins, aided by an apparent non-call. On second-and-10 it looked like linebacker Mike Vrabel brought Clinton Portis down with a horse collar tackle but no flag flew. That led to a third-and-10 for Washington that it failed to pick up when the pass to tight end Chris Cooley was broken up.
FOXBORO - Patriots tight end Benjamin Watson and Redskins corner Fred Smoot are both out of today's game. Also inactive for the Patriots are: safety Mel Mitchell, DB Eugene Wilson, RB Sammy Morris, LB Eric Alexander, T Wesley Britt, G Billy Yates and DL Kareem Brown.
The other Washington inactives are RB Rock Cartwright, DT Ryan Boschetti, OL Stephon Heyer, G Rick Demulling, G Randy Thomas and WR Reche Caldwell.
Indy is now up 24-7 in the third against the now David Carr-led Panthers. Vinny Testaverde went out a broken hip after falling down some stairs after halftime. I kid. But Carr is in and the game is being drained of any drama.
Now the Pats need to hold up their end of the bargain at home against Washington at 4:15.
Other than the Indy game and the Lions about to go up 20-7 over the Bears, the rest of the early games still have some doubt to them.
Including the one in Jolly Ol' where the Dolphins have "closed" to within 13-3.
Who am I kidding....that one's over with too.
Loyal reader Rock banged in curious about my leanings on the Bears-Minnesota game. It was an oversight during my earler post.
I like the Lions to get up 13-0 in that one before the Bears strike back to make it 13-7 late in the third.
After that, it gets fuzzy.
Even though they now trail 10-7, Carolina's been a pain in the posterior for the entire first half to the Colts.
The Panthers were up 7-3 on the Colts late in thefirst half and winning the field position battle decisively as they drew closer to ruining the GREATEST REGULAR SEASON GAME IN THE SOLAR SYSTEM!!
Indy had had about a half-dozen drops in the first half before Reggie Wayne hauled in a perfect pass from Peyton Manning to set up a 2-yard Joseph Addai touchdown.
Indy sat down left tackle Tony Ugoh, wide receiver Marvin Harrison and linebacker Freddie Keiaho today. Ugoh has a neck injury said to be a stinger. Harrison played last week against the Jagaurs but is down today.
Makes one wonder if the Colts opted to look ahead to their showdown with New England and rest these guys.
On the surface, it makes sense. The winner of next week's game could well be hosting the AFC Championship in late January.
Chances are excellent that Indy comes out of the break and batters Carolina but - for 30 minutes of play - the Panthers have helped give the Patriots a few things to look at heading into next week's showdown.
Has broken loose from his moorings and is RAMPAGING in London! Hide the snaggletoothed children!
Seriously, I'm not sure who crafts these ideas -- the same guy who thought up Whatzit! for the Atlanta Olympics -- but have you ever seen one of these promotional and said, "Wow, that really cuts to the heart of things."
My inclination is that, even with Giant Jason, the Dolphins would be in a bad way today against the Giants.
Other 1 p.m. inclinations...
* Tennessee 13, Oakland 10
* Giants 37, Miami 13
* St. Louis 24, Cleveland 23
* Indianapolis 30, Carolina 13
* Minnesota 23, Philadelphia 13
* Pittsburgh 44, Cincinnatti 21
Quickly, then...
--That Trinity-Millsaps play began with a pass over the middle and included 15 laterals. It lasted 46 seconds, which must make it the longest play in college football history by a factor of two.
--Someone has to Zapruder that footage. Were any of the laterals forward? One, by No. 50, certainly looked iffy. Were there no penalties on the play? An offensive play lasts 46 seconds without one hold?
--Finally, you may remember me scribbling about my friend Merry Miller a couple of months back. Well, it turns out Merry, whose infamous, "Boom! Goes the dynamite!" level interview with Holly Hunter made YouTube history, is taking Elizabeth Hasselback's cushion on "The View" while Mrs. H is on maternity leave. You can't make this stuff up.
Have you seen the final play from the Division III Trinity-Millsaps game yet? Unreal. It was one of those keep lateraling on the final play deals, a la Cal-Stanford. Except that it worked. Trinity lateraled, I believe, a dozen times. It was less an effort to score than a glorified game of keepaway, a battle of attrition. Millsaps, eventually, just was too exhausted to keep chasing. There were MIllsaps players walking during the play, half because they thought the game must be over and partly because they were just tongue-draggin' beat. Watch the play (and you'll surely see it a million times) and look for the Millsaps player near the very end of the play who gets blocked and by the way he falls, you think he's paralyzed. It's scary at first, but then you realize he fell that way because he was just that tired.
Is it the most amazing game-winning play ever? Not sure about that. But I'd like someone to investigate whether, in terms of seconds, it's the longest play in college history. I'd venture that it is.
ASU is up 31-20 and has the ball with less than six minutes remaining. Looks as if we're going to have a showdown game in Eugene next Saturday. ASU won this evening because 1) they have a terrific defense and 2) they can run the ball, at least against Cal.
Should be awesome in Autzen next week.
Goodnight, everybody.
The referees at the Cal-ASU game are using pink whistles to commemorate breast cancer awareness month. I've heard at least two commentators this month (but not tonight) refer to it as "breast awareness" month. Which is every month.
I'm trying to get involved, too. Typing with pink eye tonight.
ASU's freshman kicker Thomas Weber just nailed a 47-yarder to put the Devils up by four. Weber is 15-15 in field goals thus far in his collegiate career. That kid has no idea what it's really like to be a kicker. He should talk to Alexis Serna up at Oregon State.
ASU just intercepted Nate Longshore on the first play of the 4th quarter. It's way early, but ASU at Oregon could be the biggest game in the country next Saturday. Which is hilarious, because it's the same day as Southern Cal at California, which everyone (including me) assumed would be the Pac-10 game of the season. And here it's not even the Pac-10 game of the day....while ASU-Oregon will be more than just that. Wild. ( oops. Just noticed this: USC plays at Cal on November 10...big mistake on my part....sorry....j.w. )
Okay, I'm pooped. I'll send in one final entry near the end of the 4th quarter.
Boston just beat Colorado, 10-5, in the longest nine-inning game in World Series history. Four hours and nineteen minutes. Can they just count the final hour toward Game 4 tomorrow night? The series is over, anyway.
Meanwhile, a Cal player, quoted by Ted Robinson a few minutes ago, just explained why teams still play hard even after their own dream of a national championship has been vanquished: "Our stuff got messed up. So now we want to mess up someone else's stuff."
Have you seen Michael Clayton? If so, can you explain why Clayton (Cooney) stopped the car and approached the three horses atop the hill at dawn? Was that his Tony Soprano "I GET IT!" moment? Anyone? Beeler? Beeler?
That's right, I'm "Wide Awake In America".
Don't worry, I ain't leaving you until the Cal-ASU game ends. My man Ted Robinson is doing the play-by-play, and as they returned from halftime the director chose to show a highly zoomed photo of the full moon (or nearly full...what is that? Gibbous? Anyway....). And Ted failed to mention the obvious: that he's standing next to a "full Moon". Warren Moon. His partner in the booth, who would be full if he'd partaken of the halftime chow.
I've been writing too long today.
The Rockies are down 9-5 in the top of the ninth. They had two on, two out in the 8th with Matt Holliday up. Just what they wanted. But Holliday flied out just shy of the warning track to Manny Ramirez....when Manny steps up to the plate for his first at-bat tomorrow night, I do hope the Rockies' sound people play Joe Cocker's "You Can Leave Your Hat On."
Dimitri Nance just scored his third rushing touchdown of the evening for the Devils. ASU leads 21-20.
I'm listening to the Spoon on SNL. I like 'em and their blond Matthew Modine lead singer dude. Or is he the O-face guy? Which reminds me, shouldn't the student section at Oregon organize itself so that after each Duck score they all do a simultaneous "O Face"? Wouldn't that be cool?
It's ten minutes after midnight on Saturday and we still have three legitimate viewing options on television (without even having to resort to "Tommy Boy" on one of those HBO splinter channels). You've got your Cal-ASU game (it's 20-14 Bears at the half) on FSN, your World Series on Fox (6-5 BoSox in the 8th) and your SNL ("Weekend Update" up next).
Why go to sleep?
I haven't seen the show yet, but that chick on "Chuck" looks like what Christine Taylor would be if her mom hadn't smoked and drank coffee during her pregnancy. Like I'd know...
Once a fact-checker, always a fact-checker: On the "Weekend Update" (and this is a repeat, by the way), they just did a joke about Marion Jones. Behind Amy Pohler they showed a photo of Jones and beneath it, "steriods".
Loyal Johntourager Boyko just submitted a new blossary term: U-S-C-ya Season - When you are just past the halfway point in the college football season and you realize that your favorite team -- which was over-hyped from day one -- will not be playing in a decent bowl game.*
* (that is, unless they wear gold helmets)
Anyone reading this still attend Arizona State games? Does the ASU band still do the Budweiser theme song? That was always good times.
ASU, facing a 4th-and-1 on about the Cal 26, called timeout just as the ball was snapped to Rudy Carpenter. The T.O. came from Dennis Erickson. "Icing yourselves," the FSN announcer said. "I like it."
Exactly. The Devils overcame themselves, though, and it's now 20-14 after Dimitri Nance's second rushing TD of the night.
Meanwhile, Seth Rogen is hosting Saturday Night Live. Am I not cool if I don't think Andy Samberg is the coolest thing on SNL? I mean, there are so many other reasons I'm not cool, but is that just another one?
Tennessee wins in overtime. The SEC East is so (take your pick) average/competitive. Whoever goes to Atlanta from the East may have three losses.
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So I'm watching a skit on SNL at the moment. I've already been censored once this afternoon, so I'm not going to risk writing the name of the skit here...but it rhymes with "Nuke LaLoosh Bag". The irony here is that I could get censored on nbcsports.com for writing the title of a skit that's currently appearing on NBC...and I'm just guessing here, drawing more eyeballs.
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They just did "MacGruber" on SNL....MacGruber dies as often as Kenny, but I don't mind. Funny bit.
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Spoon. Feist. Those are this week's and next week's musical guests on SNL. I can't tell you one of their songs. So I'm an old fart. But I do know who Devendra Banhart is and I'm really hoping they have him square off against Skip Bayless on "First Take" next week.
Tennessee leads South Carolina 21-0 at the half.
The Gamecocks, having replaced their Smelley quarterback with Blake Mitchell, score 24 unanswered points.
Then the Vols kick a field goal late.
24-24 (you'd think this was on Fox). My favorite moment was Holly Rowe becoming officially involved in the overtime coin toss by holding the mic below the ref's mouth--like an altar boy holding the communion wafer plate, though they don't do that any more--as he explained the rules of overtime. I think she was wearing brown leather pants. Probably borrowed them from Erin Andrews....or Jack Arute.
Memories.
The Sun Devils are hosting Cal right now on Fox Sports Net (the other one; we apparently have two here in New York City). Not to be confused with Fox News Channel. Not to be confused with Fox Business Channel. Not to be confused with Fox, which at one time had a show starring Matthew Fox ("Party of Five") and another whose main character was named Fox Mulder.
Anyhoos... We moved from New Jersey to Tempe when I was eleven and my dad, to help my brother and I get acclimated, bought us season tickets to Arizona State games. The year was 1978. I'd never been to a college football game before. If I only knew then, the first time my brother Porge and I walked into Sun Devil Stadium, how many Saturdays I'd spend attending college football games. If my dad had only realized the colossal error of his ways....
So it's cool to see the Bears and Devils playing at night (as they always did when I was a kid) in Tempe. ASU, as they've done all season, has fallen behind in the first half. This time by 13 points. But they just scored a TD, so it' snow 13-7.
Everbody to Dos Gringos after the game! Margaritas are on my brother, Porge, if you can find him.
For those of you chalice half-full Notre Dame fans:
Navy lost to I-AA Delaware today, 59-52.
Air Force lost to New Mexico, 34-31.
Duke is losing to Florida State, 22-0.
And Stanford lost to Oregon State, 23-6.
Three of Notre Dame's four remaining opponents have less than winning records. The Middies are 4-4; the Falcons are 6-3 ; the Blue Devils are 1-7; and the Cardinal is 3-5.
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Malcolm Jenkins just picked off an ill-advised Anthony Morelli pass (can anyone develop mediocre quarterbacks better than Joe Paterno) and returned it for a TD. It's 34-10, Ohio State. I'm looking forwarder and forwarder to Ohio State-Michigan on November 17th.
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ABC just did a montage of people who are in JoePa's age range. Guys like Tony Bennett, Paul Newman, Hugh Hefner. And those dudes from the Geico ads.
It's actually 10:09 p.m. and do you realize that 40% of the nation's undefeated teams have yet to play today? Arizona State kicks off at home versus Cal in a few minutes. Hawaii kicks off in Honolulu (great concessions there, by the way) at 12:05 a.m. eastern. I spent Christmas eve at Aloha Stadium last year and it felt like a 4th of July game at Yankee Stadium. Wait, no it didn't, because it was rainy and cold here in NYC last July 4th.
Anyway...the other three unbeatens: Boston College won on Thursday night, Kansas is up 19-9 late in the 4th, and Ohio State just scored to go up 24-7 in the 3rd in Happy Valley.
Trend I'm getting REALLY TIRED of: Refs reviewing touchdown catches. It seems as if every other one gets reviewed these days. You know, nobody reviewed Matt Holliday's slide in the one-game playoff versus the San Diego Padres and the world seemed to keep spinning just fine. Even though Holliday never tagged home plate. Just like Julio Lugo should have been called out at second base in Game 7 against the Tribe (that was it, right? I'm too tired to review the details at the moment). Anyway, baseball has bang-bang calls, too, just like football. They get most of them right. Some--very few--they miss.
But at least the game keeps moving.
I tune in to watch football games. Not appeals processes. Let's stop litigating football games, folks. Let the players play and the refs ref, and if occasionally someone screws up, well, we'll live with it.
(Old cranky guy now stepping out of spotlight).
Hey, this McAnderson dude for Kansas is a rumblin', bumblin', stumblin' stud.
By the way, how about Mark Mangino? This has to be the most watched Kansas game in ages (they're on ESPN2, nationally televised) and Mangino is going with the black velour sweat jacket. It looks as if he borrowed his game outfit from Tony Montana's boss.
Remember those "Never" rules I mentioned earlier? Well, in the 3rd quarter of this Kansas-A&M game, an Aggie DB thought he picked up a fumble at about the Aggie 15 and, even though the whistle blew, he ran it back 85 yards all the way to the hizzouse. Then he just stood there, kind of like a petulant child, as if he stayed in the end zone long enough the refs would reverse the call.
The refs didn't. They started the game clock. And the DB couldn't get all the way back to the line of scrimmage fast enough, so A&M had to burn a timeout so they wouldn't get a penalty. Well, guess what? A&M lost 35 seconds in the final two minutes because they had no more timeouts. And they're only down 19-11.
If they had that timeout, they could have started this final drive with about 90 seconds left from their 20. Instead, they began it with 0:52 remaining.
Brent Musberger: Let me be straight with you here...I love the guy.
Frankly, I'm in awe of his longevity. Brent Musberger was the Bob Costas of the 1970s...then in the '80s he was the guy who got all the good NFL and NCAA hoops gigs...then he lost the cool CBS March Madness gig in the early 90s and it seemed as if the Montana man's career was on the wane...but no, he survived doing radio and college football broadcasts. Sure, every punk with a Facebook page mocked him from about 2000 to 2005, but now he's so old that he's become cool again.
And, best of all, he doesn't take himself too seriously.
Brent was just talking to Herbie, with the latter giving him props for being a trooper. Seems Brent was sick on Thursday night and Herbie was worried if he'd be able to "suit up" for tonight's Ohio State--Penn State game. And all Musberger said in reply was, "Nothing like drugs."
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I mean, can you believe Boston this weekend? The Pats are on the verge of being 8-0, halfway to a perfect season. Boston is on the verge of being up 3-0 in the World Series. Boston College is No. 2 in the nation and all of a sudden Matt Ryan is the favorite to win the Heisman. I'd vote for Dennis Dixon over him, but this is a case in which the East Coast bias will not be a myth. Eugene may be a beautiful place, but it's an outpost whereas Boston is one of those 365 days a year sports-addled cities. And too many people--especially in the media--have roots there. If B.C. keeps winning, it's going to be tough for Dixon to overcome him.
And I'd still give it to Tebow, by the way.
I just either saw Manny Ramirez or Sideshow Bow doff his helmet--again--trying to score from second base in Game 3 of the World Series. It looked as if Manny made a nice slide at home (did the hokey-pokey slide: "you put your arm in/you pull your arm out") but was called out anyway. My feeling? The ump called him out out of spite.
Anyway, what happens if Manny's habit becomes a trend? If football players start throwing their helmets off mid-play? Will this catch on?
Craig "I left ESPN for CBS ten years ago and Kirk Herbstreit totally owns that role now" James just said, "Hartford, Massachusetts." He's from Texas.
In all this football viewing, I hope you didn't miss the "Quill Book Awards". I believe my local NBC affiliate aired them at 7 p.m. Or maybe it was ABC. One of them. Anyway, nothing says glamour and glitz quite like authors walking the red carpet. " Why can't Helen Mirren write an autobiography already?
R. Kelly was locked in the closet.
J. Dub was locked out of the closet. Locked out of the apartment, actually, for awhile. Went for a run and forgot my keys. So I'm sorry for the lack of coverage for the past hour. While waiting to get inside, though, I did finish up the last 63 push-ups on a sidewalk on Riverside Drive. So you won't have to deal with that any more.
Okay, so, updates:
Tennessee is beating the Spurriers 21-0 at the half.
Florida State has just given up, like a middle-aged man who wears nothing but drawstring pants and a fanny pack. Have you seen them against Duke tonight (on ESPNU)? The 'noles are wearing all black unis with gold numbers.
Ohio State is up 17-7 on the JoePas and I have no idea how they've done it. But you probably do.
Kansas is up 10-0 in College Station. It's time to take the Jayhawks seriously, Mr. Corso. And how about Aqib Talib, playing both ways. The Aggies, at home, have already gone three-and-out six times this season. And they don't even wear gold helmets.
So how happy do you think Urban Meyer was about Georgia's first TD celebration earlier today, one that Mark Richt essentially ordered? There were nine more personal foul penalties after that TD by "What part of Knowshon don't you understand?" Moreno.
Good to be back.
Oh, yeah...3-0 Boston, top of the 3rd inning, two on, no out. When did Beantown sell its soul to the devil? Could we really begin Monday with the BoSox 8-0 in their last eight World Series games?
We were heading toward simultaneous "Alcoa Fantastic Finishes" in both Jacksonville and East Hartford, but Georgia just scored again to go up 42-30 on the MyT.TEbows (work it around on your tongue a bit).
187 ....damn you, Knowhson Moreno!
Meanwhile, UConn is up on South Florida 22-15 with four minutes left. Not that I care all that much. South Florida is a lot slower north of the Mason-Dixon line.
Huge play at the Rent: USF has 3rd-and-goal at the two and calls a naked bootleg. But when Matt Grothe comes out of his fake, two UConn defenders have his outside completely blocked off. They "stayed home", as we say. Grothe kept spinning and turning and lost ten yards.
Fourth-and-goal from the 12...and Grothe's pass sails out of bounds. UConn's going to beat a Top 25 team for the second week in a row. New England is going to have two teams in the Top 20 when Sunday's rankings come out. They're raising the roof on the covered bridges up there.
Knowshon Moreno is a MAN, by the way. And it looks like I picked the wrong day to emulate Herschel walker, by the way.
187
Meanwhile, back at the Cocktail Fest, things couldn't be worse for the Gators...UF is driving for a TD (they need two), but a shotgun snap comes up high and short in front of Tebow. He dives for it halfheartedly (that shoulder must kill), but Georgia's Danelle Ellerbee dives for it, too. Ellerbee not only recovers the errant snap, but slams into Tebow's right shoulder. I haven't seen a gladiator with a shoulder that bad since Maximus took that sword to his left shoulder in the assassination attempt. Anyway, Tebow was very slow to get up.
I'm wondering whether, with the Gators now at 5-3, if they'll even play Tebow next week against Vanderbilt. Hard to believe the Gators have lost three in a row.
I'm just seeing for the first time Georgia's "excessive celebration" penalty after their first TD. The entire team came out onto the field and ran to the end zone to celebrate. SO COOL. If you're going to get a 15-yard flag, you might as well get your money's worth. I'm guessing Mark Richt is going to get a severe phone call from SEC HQ on Monday, and I'm guessing he won't care.
But if Kentucky can get fined $50,000 for its fans storming the field after a win against LSU, can Georgia be fined for having its entire team storm the field? Stay tuned.
My upset special this week was Nebraska over Texas. Right now it's 21-17 Texas with about four minutes to play. I'm going to take an hour break and then catch you back for Kansas-Texas A&M, and then of course Ohio State-Penn State.
And we'll discuss if Dennis Dixon is the new Heisman frontrunner. Going to be hard for ManGod Tebow to win the Heisman as a sophomore with three losses. Maybe we just give it to Vince Young, as he's the most worthy runner-up in recent memory.
Texas just went up 28-17. It was a nice try, Huskers. You showed up today.
Tebow runs it in for a TD, and now UF is going for two. Incomplete pass....only my pecs are happy about that.
35-30, Dawgs, with 9:40 to play. We can all only hope that Tebow comes in at middle linebacker for after the break.
Do you realize you can be watching Tebow on CBS right now, then flip over to ESPNU and see Chris Long of Virginia? It's llike a chick magnet bonanza. College football by Oxygen. Meanwhile, the 7-1 Cavaliers are losing to 2-5 N.C. State early in the 3rd quarter...because they haven't played anyone (except UConn) yet .
That's a term merge (termerge?) above. Lara Boyko is a loyal Johntourager and CSTV writer who is mourning the loss of her alma mater, USC, moments earlier. Also, she possessed the insight to realize that my cat Mirk wasn't barfing because he was sick, but because as a fellow college football fan, he was trying to bond with me by mimicking Matt Ryan's Heisman pose of Thursday night. Good call, Boyko.
And then the second term is Mississippi State DB Co-Eric Riley, who unless he's a conjoined twin, someone's got some 'splainin' to do. Congrats to him and the resst of the Bulldogs for a big 31-14 upset win at Kentucky earlier today.
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Florida just had a 4th-and-2 and didn't have Tim Tebow bulldoze through the Dawgs' front seven for the first down. He must not only be injured, he must be feeling George Gipp right about now. And so the Gators did not convert. The stud of the game thus far is UGA frosh Knowshon Moreno, who is no relation to Omar Moreno or Omar Epps.
TOUCHDOWN, GEORGIA!!!!
I've only been watching this game during USC-Oregon timeouts but it seems every time I've tuned in, Matthew Stafford has hit one of his wideouts for at least a 40-yard gain. This was a 50-plus yard TD, Georgia's second of the game.
35-24, Georgia, with eleven minutes to play. Someone take the kryptonite hip pads off Tebow so that he might unleash his robust fury.
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I'm officially in Tebow-level pain right now. I can't even imagine how sore I'd be if i were blogging New Mexico State-Hawaii later on.
Did you just hear Vern Lundquist? While looking at a replay of a shot a ref took as Percy Harvin ran him over out of bounds, Vern said, "Boom...Goes the Dynamite!"
Vern, you are so YouTube. Well played!
Great catch over the middle by USC's Vidal Hazelton. He knew he was going to get drilled, but he stayed with it and USC got about a 17-yard gain out of it.
Now it's 3rd-and-7 with :33 left to play. Ball's at the Oregon 43. Sanchez dumps to McKnight, who passes the yellow line that he cannot see. First down, Southern Cal. McKnight is limping, but they don't have time to sub him out and they don't have time to shoot him. He'll just have to stay in the game.
Sanchez back to pass...INTERCEPTED!!!!! By Matthew Harper, his second pick of the second half. Game over.
USC's BCS bowl run is over, most likely. Blame three second-half turnovers. USC has every super-stud QB not named Jimmy Clausen (or playing for LSU) of the last four high school graduating classes on its roster, but it's not making a difference this month.
Still, give Pete Carrolll credit. Troy only lost by a TD, which means the Trojans still haven't lost by more than seven points in five-plus seasons. How many programs go two weeks without losing by more than seven, much less sixty-six games or so?
The sideline reporter for the SC-Oregon game just informed us that Senor Sanchez went up and down the bench pulling a "mea culpa" for his last interception, but that the wideouts didn't accept the apology. Instead, they scolded him.
Amazing stat: Pete Carroll has only lost 13 games since taking over at USC in 2001, and only once by more than a touchdown (27-16 to Notre Dame in '01). Well, the Trojans are down 24-10 with about nine minutes to play and the Ducks have the ball at midfield.
72 I'm going to have to start watching the N.C. State-Virginia game just so I won't pass out from the push-ups this afternoon. Too...little...pec power.
Southern Cal is seven minutes away from their run of five consecutive BCS bowl appearances ending. And the Trojans are 4-1 in those games, the lone loss coming with perhaps their best team, ironically, the 2005 Trojans. They were beaten in the Rose Bowl, you'll remember, by Texas.
Pete's pigskin powerhouse would be 5-2 with a loss today with games still remaining at Cal, at Arizona State and versus UCLA. The best they could hope for is the Holiday Bowl with a loss today. But they very well could be looking Emerald Bowl if they don't pick it up.
There's still six minutes left, though. But Senor Sanchez hasn't looked sharp at all today.
Don't you just love seeing eHarmony commercials during college football games? "He was just what I was looking for: a cholesterol-inhaling, beer-drinking, gamblin'-jonesin' fatass who spends his weekends watching other men sweat. Thank you, eHarmony!"
I can hear the Oregon students from here. It's an explosion of fun out in the Pacific Northwest. Have you ever been in Oregon on a sunny day like the one they're having. It's the best spot in the country on a day like this. And there are at least seven of them each year.
As I typed that Senor Sanchez attempted a pass to his backup tight end, Coy, and the Ducks' Matthew Harper picked it off. That's SC's second turnover of the 3rd quarter. I know there are a few rojans hurt, but isn't this supposed to be the most talented team ever? How come their offense has no rhythm to it? Wondering whether Pete Carroll will break the "in case of emergency" glass and replace Sanchez with Booty.
Oregon has just attempted its 37th bubble screen of the afternoon. Shelf that one for the rest of the day, Coach Bellotti.
Ohmigod! Jonathan Stewart just gained a first down on 3rd-and-14. The last ten yards were all effort, just shedding SC blockers and carrying at last two former five-star recruits the last three yards for a first down. And that's the end of the third quarter.
I'll go check out how QBMcDreamy is doing for Florida now... By the way, did you see Jesse Palmer interview Tebow earlier today on GameDay? It was as if Jesse wanted to ask, "Hey, Tim, were you out with Brandy last night?"
(that's a little inside joke just for me...thanks for indulging me).
I'm watching Florida's offense, I'm watching Oregon's offense, and I'm thinking, How much fun must it be to play in a spread option? If only Notre Dame had a quarterback who could run an offense like this....oh, yeah....never mind.
Wondering whether those Oregon play fakes are even more difficult for SC to pick up due to the Ducks' black jerseys.
Aaaaaaaaaaaand, touchdown DUCKS!
24-10, early in the 4th quarter.
So if I told you Kentucky was playing three straight home games in October against LSU, Florida and Mississippi State and would only win one, who would you have picked to be the victim? Exactly.
Kentucky is a great example of why you should NEVER get hot and bothered about a team's record or ranking at the end of September. The Wildcats entered Dane Cook Month 5-0, but they'll finish 6-3.
Southern Cal seemed to be gaining momentum (in fact, Barry Tompkins was mentioning how the game was slowing down, becoming a lumbering affair, the style favoring USC) when they fumbled. A few plays later Jonathan "The Daily Show" Stewart scored. 17-10, Ducks.
Back to my throw rug.
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What is going on in East Hartford?
And by the way, what is the world coming to when ABC airs a 3:30 p.m. game from East Hartford???
Yet here are the Huskies just embarrassing South Florida late in the first half. It's 16-0 Huskies with three minutes before half.
Is it just me, by the way (short answer: Yes, Dubs), or do so many of these games seem to have no air today? The crowd at the Rent in E. Hartford are sitting on their hands as well. It's as if even college football fans need a bye week to get revved up for the final stretch in November.
The exception is USC-Oregon, where the Autzen crazies are as "into it' as Bret's gal, Sutton Foster. And what a great game. Already have seen three fourth down attempts, but I shudder that Pete Carroll wasted a timeout out at the 12-minute mark of the 3rd quarter. One of my cardinal "Never do that" rules ("Never burn a 2nd-half timeout before the 5-minute mark of the 4th quarter"), along with "Never use a prevent defense" and "Never pull a California stop while driving on Penn State's campus".
USC just tied it, 10-10.
Georgia just went up, 21-17.
Someone's pecs are about to be in pain.
By the way, our man G.A. is at the USF-UConn game. How about an in-game report, Mr. Auman?
According to allmusic.com, there is no band of note named Cat Vomit. There are Vomit Launch and Bloco Vomit, though. However, I really would love to have this sign hanging up in my apartment:
http://www.grackle.net/cat/vomit.html
Oregon just kicked a field goal before halftime. Who foresoothed a low-scoring game in Eugene? It's 10-3 Ducks, at the half.
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Meanwhile, it's all Al Pacinio in the SEC today: "Dawg Day Afternoon". Mississippi State upset Kentucky in Lexington, pretty much ending Andre Woodson's Heisman hopes. Or at least severely endangering them. And Georgia is tied with Florida, who just intercepted a Matthew Stafford pass and ran it in untouched. As Neil Everett will no doubt say in about eight hours, "he has reservations...for six."
Great line.
Just discovered Minnesota-Michigan on ESPN Classic (one more reason to love college football....aimless channel surfing is rewarded). Golden Gophers are actually up 10-3 in the 2nd.
Speaking of aimless channel surfing, the best show title I came upon today was "Tool Belt Diva". I'll have watch that next week.
Best TV line I heard this week, and sure it was a repeat of a show that's no longer on-air, but hey, you know how I feel about Lorelai Gilmore.
It's Friday night dinner (a weekly rite) and Dame Gilmore (Lorelai's mom) opens a conversation by rhetorically asking, "You know what's funny?" and before she can continue, Lorelai quips, "Reno 911?"
If you want to hear the sound of 106,000 people not clapping (or making any noise), tune in to ESPN Classic right now.
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Matthew Stafford just lofted a beautiful pass to Mohamed Massaquoi--whom I dearly hope will someday team with Michigan's Mario Manningham on some NFL roster-- for an 84-yard TD. And then Massaquoi did the gator chomp for a 15-yard penatlty. Worth it.
14-7, Dawgs.
Oh, and I'm only tuning in to USF- UConn for the punts.
DAVID BUEHLER'S DAY OFF
USC kicker David Buehler just kicked a field goal for the Trojans. Last week, from what one reader told me, our announcers kept pronouncing his name as if they were Ben Stein: "Buehler...Buehler...." The reader informed me that it's pronounced "Beeler", which is the way the Fox Sports dudes are saying it. One of them, Petros Papadakis, is a former Trojan player, so I'm going with Beeler.
JOHNNY DEPP CHART
"Blow" is playing on USA right now. One of Johnny Depp's better films. I always thought they should write a sequel to "Blow" in which Depp's drug runner is chased by Bruce Willis's John McClane from "Die Hard". Yes, the title would be "Blow Hard" , starring Depp, Bruce Willis and Dennis Franchione.
You can run your own little Heisman debate right now by flipping between CBS (Florida-Georgia) and Fox Sports Net. You've got Tim Tebow, who's shoulder must be banged up because I haven't seen him run the ball yet--though Percy Harvin has all-world smear-the-queer level moves. Meanwhile, Dennis Dixon of Oregon, playing the same position in the same offensive system (spread option) is definitely earnin' his self a flight to NYC. And he doesn't even have his own Times Square billboard.
I couldn't believe this stat when they posted it: Dixon had 12 TD passes and 14 INTs last year. This year he has 16 TD passes and three interceptions. From 12:14 to 16:3. And Barry Tompkins just told us that Dixon did not throw one interception in all of spring practice. Is he kidding? You mean, even when he was just playing catch with the 7th-string QB and some wiseass cornerback snuck in and picked one off for giggles? Not one?
Sure, that's cool, but Tim Tebow brushes his teeth with lightning bolts.
In honor of Herschel Walker, the best college running back of the past thirty years (in my mind), I'm going to try and do 250 push-ups during this Saturday blogathon. Herschel once told Sports Illustrated, when he was still at Georgia, that he did not lift weights but rather just did 250 push-ups every day while watching TV.
So when you read numbers in italics, that's my push-up total.
How will I break down those 250, you ask? I'm going to act like a student section fan. Whenever someone scores, I'll do as many push-ups as they have points. I may reach 250 by the end of this USC-Oregon game. This one's so good I don't even feel as if I'm missing anything by not watching Elvis-in-a-helmet at the World's Largest Cocktail Party.
Oregon cheerleaders: Hottest in the nation. Discuss.
West Virginia is finishing a spanking of Rutgers. The Black-is-the-new-Scarlet Knights never got the axes out of the tool shed this afternoon. Brad Nessler just named Max McGee as his "Performer of the Week". Nessler mentioned how the recently deceased McGee was hung over when he played in Super Bowl I, where he was named the game's MVP. McGee was a loveable rascal, and it was a different time, but I'm curious how it would be covered these days if, say, Marvin Harrison had played in last year's Super Bowl with a hangover. E-60 would be all over that stuff.
Mark D'Antonio is smart. The MSU coach did nothing but hand off to Ringer and Caulcrick on MSU's first drive of overtime, and the Spartans scored. Iowa ties it up on a 2nd-and-20.
Pam Ward has the weekend off. I'm hoping she's sending anonymous comments in to Hugh II: The Nedessy Continues" on deadspin.com.
Paul Maguire, on Rutgers-WVU, is ripping the Va. Tech D-coordinator for the Hokies having gone in to a prevent defense against BC on Thursday night. My right arm is shaking, because I realize I'm completely agreeing with Paul Maguire. Do you realize the Hokies only rushed three down lineman on Matt Ryan's game-winning pass? A lot of good those eight Hokies in pass coverage did.
Kinda strange that Doug Flutie was calling that game, wasn't it?
My Fox Sports NY is not showing "USC-Oregon", but rather some show called "Sport Science". I am not happy. I feel like my cat all of a sudden.
Iowa just went up 34-27 in the second overtime.
Just found the USC-Oregon game....whew. It's on the other Fox Sports Net. Ohhhhh.
Michigan State, 4th-and-13. And if they don't convert it, good luck getting bowl-eligible versus Michigan next week. Spartans complete pass, but waaaaaaaay short.
Iowa wins! And Michigan State is now 5-4 with games against the Wolverines, at Purdue and the JoePas. Gonna be tough for MSU to do better than 6-6.
(flipping)
Dennis Dixon--and whenever I say his name, I think of the band Styx (I'm sorry, I do)-- just scored on a great play fake. 7-0, Ducks. Autzen Stadium in Eugene is a place you must visit before dying. It's not huge or anything, but it's so eco-friendly. There's a river that runs alongside it, with bike and running paths, and they even have a bike corral if you want to pedal up to the game (which is cool, but makes tail-gating that much more difficult).
Do you realize that if Cameron Colvin doesn't fumble out of the end zone in the final moments against Cal that the Ducks would probably be ranked No. 1? And can we talk about how many exciting offenses (Oregon, Florida, LSU, Illinois) are running the spread option this year?
Joe McKnight (No. 4 to Reggie Bush's No. 5, but they do look a lot alike) just scored on a 60-yard TD run, but the Trojans have been called for holding. Poor USC. Last week they play a team with green jerseys as they do this week, but the difference in speed is night and day.
Oregon just sacked Senor Sanchez to end the first quarter. 7-0, Ducks.
I have to admit: I'm not spending too much time flipping to Howard-Norfolk State on ESPNU.
I'm back...
Good game going on in Iowa City. Michigan State is down by 3 with four minutes left to play. Tight end Kellen Davis has just caught two consecutive passes as the Spartans attempt to mount a game-winning drive. Great TE name, Kellen Davis. You've got maybe the best NFL tight end of all time's first name, and you've got this year's best college tight end's last name (Fred Davis, USC).
MSU has plenty of time, but they're passing on every down. Even though they've got Javon Ringer and Jehuu Caulcrick in their backfield. MSU punts. Their gunner could have downed it at the 3, but he was in bad position. So that was about a 25-yard punt for the Spartans.
(flipping)
Pitt and Louisville are tied at 17 with 3:25 to play. If you're surprised that the Panthers are tied up with the Cards at Louisville, you should know that Dave Wannstache is seated in the press box.
(flipping)
Back to MSU-Iowa. Looks like a perfect day in Cornutopia. Spartans are mounting their "No, this time we mean it" game-winning drive with just over a minute to play and no timeouts. And suddenly it's 4th-and-1 for the Spartans. This is almost 4th-and-bowl eligibility on the line....
Great catch on a slant-in by Mark Dell. First down, MSU.
Michigan State is now at midfield with just over 40 seconds and....my cat just puked! Ohhhh, this is an unexpected development!!! Problems I never have to deal with in South Bend. I think he got into some ranch dressing. Some