December 2007 Archives

My good pal Steve Rushin, who is never not funny, has a little game going on his blog (Steverushin.com) entreating readers to come up with names for their own mythical home-brewed beers. Here are my three suggestions:

Milton Friedman Macro-Brew

Spotted Owl Lager Heads

Randolph Mantooth Rampart's Last Gleaming

One halftime stat that Tim Brant will not give you: Ray Ratto is wearing a sweater with not one but two stains on it. And the stains appear to be older than half the players on the field. Ray Ratto. Terrific writer. But that has to be an all-time top ten name for a spotswriter, along with Damon Hack (who's not).

Other apt sports names:

Brian Cashman, GM, Yankees

Rob Tobias, Media Relations, ESPN

I'll wait for G.A. to provide more.

Sorry I was away for a few moments. Had to call a self-imposed "media timeout." I'm a little under the weather. And yet, given the altitude of this press box, I'm also over the weather. Dazed and confused (which was also set in Texas).

Just came upon a sign here in the press box that I'm hoping to pilfer: "HOT DOGS FOR MEDIA ONLY". That's not a sign; that's the working title of my autobiography.

Enough about me.

Cal has come back because someone over on their sideline realized that they can pass and Air Force cannot (Air Force is really a ground force). The Falcons have just 17 passing yards at the half on two completions, which is Kye Israel-like. In the second quarter Cal was able to put the Falcons in 3rd-and-long situations by taking away the pitch on the option. The best way for Air Force to counterac that is to keep the safeties honest by tossing deep, but that has yet to happen.

Kevin Riley is 9-11 since taking over for Longshore. His counterpart, Shaun Carney, may only have 17 yards passing but he does have a game-high 102 yards rushing.

They had a different type of induction ceremony at halftime here. You know how football games often use timeouts and halftimes to induct fading heroes into a Hall of Fame of some note? Well, today they inducted a couple dozen young men and women into the military. Right here. They should be in Qatar by the 4th quarter.

This idea has possibilities. Notre Dame and Boston College should look into ordaining priests during halftime next season. I'd watch.

The Air Force falcon is currently performing his halftime show, which consists of flying around the stadium and not pooping on anyone. That bird better be careful. Birds that large don't fly far in this part of the world without getting shot at.

The Air Force marching band is performing now. Give them this: they stay in formation extremely well.

Chad Henning is hanging out in the press box. Former Air Force All-American linebacker, former Dallas Cowboy. Military veteran, of course. He looks like Dolph Lundgren's bigger, tougher brother. In a battle of celebrity alums, I'll take Henning over Adam Duritz...unless Simon Cowell is judging.

If these jokes seem lamer than usual, I'm working on two hours' sleep. If they appear just as lame as normal, maybe I'll just keep getting two hours' sleep. After last night's Independence Bowl I drove from Shreveport to Fort Worth ("Where The West Begins" is the motto). Arriving at 3:45 a.m., I attempted to check into a hotel.

"You're going to check in now just to have me check you out at 11 a.m.?" asked the desk clerk, clearly not happy to be signing someone in.

"Unless my rental car has a shower that no one told me about, I believe I will."

He handed me a Vingt card with a grunt.

Finished writing the story at 7:10 a.m., slept for two hours and here I am. And the good news is that tomorrow's Cotton Bowl begins at 10:30 a.m. local time. I plan on being asleep when the ball drops in Times Square this evening, but I doubt too many ticket-holders for tomorrow's game will be. If Cotton Bowl officials are smart, there will be an Advil concessions stand.

You would love Amon T. Carter Field here on the campus of Texas Christian. At least I think you would. I do. It's just the right size, with both end zones open, and right on campus. Natural grass, too.

By the way, Air Force is pulling an Alabama here in the second quarter. The score was 21-0 when Jeff Tedford yanked Nate Longshore, a junior, in favor of freshman Kevin Riley. Cal is driving and about to make it a 21-14 game shortly before halftime (note to self: these games go much faster when you oversleep and arrive after one quarter; of course, it's tough to explain oversleeping on those 8 p.m. starts.

Riley just hit LaVelle Hawkins for a 7-yard TD pass. Da Bears' gifted wideouts (Hawkins and DeSean Jackson) are playing up to their capabilities and now it's a game.

21-14, Falcons.

Okay, the name of the game is the Armed Forces Bowl after all. If you're Cal, maybe you receive the invite, see that your dance partner is Air Force, and kindly beg out saying were going to be washing your hair that day.

Regardless, you do not want this game, this opponent. Air Force is the second-ranked rushing team in the nation and, besides, have you ever seen how far the closest watering hole to the barracks is? Colorado Springs is not Berkeley. So this is the biggest excitement, outside of shooting guns and flying jets, that these cadets have to look forward to for awhile.

Air Force has both an altitude and an attitude advantage.

And it's showing: 21-0, Falcons. I tsee one half of the sunny side of the field completely filled with the royal blue of the academy. I even think I see Majors Nelson and Healy over there. For Cal? You couldn't fill a freshman anthropology class with the number of Bear fans I see. I'm not even sure Adam Duritz is here. Will look for him later, though.

Quarterback change: Nate Longshore out for Cal; Kevin Riley in.

Howdy, Bowlnanzans, from HIGH atop Amon T. Carter Field in Fort Worth, Texas. I'm looking toward the northwest from my press box perch, and I think I just witnessed a mugging in Amarillo. Altitude? I had to look down during the pre-game military flyover (fly-under?). The captain has advised us not to use any of our "portable electrical devices" until this press box climbs to a safer altitude, but I'm going ahead and blogging anyway.

So it's just after noon local time, on yet another Sunshine Studly Bowlnanza day. Seriously, every dang day of this 'nanza has been beautiful. I'm sorry if it's not that way where you are. Come along for the ride with me next time.

Anyway, Air Force leads 14-0 early in the second quarter. If you figured that a service academy team would come in properly disciplined and eager to be off post, while a 6-6 Pac-10 team that has lost six of its last seven games and was briefly (for about three hours) considerered the No. 1 team in the country in October might be a little emotionally flat, well, you guessed right.

And as I was typing that cumbersome sentence, the Golden Bears just fumbled away the kickoff. It may be 21-0, Air Force, very soon.

At halftime the game's leading rusher is Alabama's Glen Coffee (12 rushes, 48 yards). He is totally caffeinated!

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Umpire Mike Rhoades was injured in the first half and is being taken to the hospital with a rotator cuff injury. The irony, as our kindly P.A. announcer noted, is that Rhoades was set to retire after tonight's game.

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Tonight's sideline reporter: Stacey Dales-Not-Shuman, who currently is ranked in our top five of Blonde Canadians (ahead of Pamela Anderson, but behind Sarah Chalke).

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Why are you watching Colts-Titans? That's mental! You should be watching the Independence Bowl. By the way, does anyone know how come there is still a Liberty Bowl and an Independence Bowl but there is no longer a Freedom Bowl? Is it because "freedom isn't free"?

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Why you should be watching the Independence Bowl: because it was a year and a day ago that Texas Tech overcame the largest deficit in bowl history, 28 points, to defeat Minnesota in overtime (and help cost Glen Mason, a.k.a. Robert Culp, his job). Bowlnanza was there (yes, I'm now referring to myself both in the third person and as an inanimate object, though, being a sportswriter I technically am).

Tonight CU fell behind 27-0, but it's now 27-14 and the Buffs are threatening to score...whereas midway through the first half we all were threatening to snore.

Alright, my babies, I'm going down to the field for a bit to collect some photographs for y'all.

Had an interesting drive from Memphis to Shreveport this afternoon. It was yet another gorgeous blue-sky, Sunshine Studly day, by the way. About an hour into Arkansas on I-40, I passed a large windowless, aluminum-sided building. The sign outside read "OPEN 24 HOURS" and there was a huge, tall sign closer to the road sporting nothing but three large red "X's".

"Should I see what that's alll about?" I asked my good friend Mike, who was on the Crackberry with me.

"You do NOT wanna do that," he assured me. "They may be having a Sunday 'Deliverance' special at the expense of all Yankees. A 'Yankee Yank Ye'."

"Yeah, I'll avoid that."

I stopped in Forrest City next, where they had a Bonanza. All efforts to have them slightly alter the sign (It needs a "w" and an "l") were kindly refused. At the local Shell station they were having a "KNIFE SALE". No lie. I totally should have jumped on that.

Also passed through Hope, Arkansas (birthplace of Hillary's husband), and Texarkana...which produced Jeff Keith, lead singer of Tesla (although, unlike President Clinton, there is no sign on the highway commemorating this occasion).

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Independents Bowl

If they can have an Independence Bowl between a pair of .500 teams--sending the not-so-subtle message that freedom is all about breaking even--, why not have an Independents Bowl? We'll pit the two top independent schools in Division I-A against one another every year and Ralph Nader can do the pre-game coin toss. Sure, there are only three independents in I-A, but let's not quibble over details. We can quibble over whether Army or Notre Dame, both of whom finished 3-9 this season, would have been more deserving to face Navy.

No. Why quibble? Give it to Army.

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Jordon Dizon Fun Fact: Dizon, Colorado's inside linebacker and the nation's leading tackler (107 solo tackles) is a graduate of Waimea High School on the Hawaiian island of Kauai. Waimea is the westernmost high school in the United States. It's facts such as that always make the CU media guide the most interesting one in all of the NCAA. That's because of CU SID/associate AD Dave Plati , who is now in his 30th season in Boulder.

How long has Dave been there? He was the SID when my man Ryan Walters' dad played there from 1986-89. And yes, I just realized that I'm not just old enough to be Ryan Walters' dad, I'm older than his dad.

As Alabama lays waste to Colorado (it's 27-0 midway through the second quarter), here are some leftovers from Memphis for you to nibble on:

1. Mississippi State back-up quarterback Michael Henig is, yes, of the Henig Furs empire of Montgomery, Alabama. Locals tell me that he first arrived on campus in Starkville driving a Hummer and wearing a fur coat. Why you'd need a fur coat in Starkville--or Montgomery--or if you're a college student (this isn't 1953, after all) is not clear.

Henig Furs...meeting all of Dixie's fur needs "for four generations".

Oh, and they have coyote furs, too, should you want one. But don't listen to me. Go to:

http://henigfurs.com/
(Just heard "Walters on the tackle" again...not a good sign)

2. The Bulldogs have a freshman defensive end named Jazzmen Guy who looks nothing, absolutely nothing, like this:

http://www.cmpsouthwest.org/Artists%20Large%20copy/JAssexyhoriz.jpg

Guy was a stud in high school, but he's finding out that it's a different world in college. You know what I mean?

(Walters just intercepted John Parker Wilson! I love this kid! I'm already checking out genealogy websites to see how closely we're related).

3. I searched a little, but I was still unable to find out who the other Eric Riley is. The Bulldogs have a wide-out named Co-Eric Riley, but his co-llaborator is unknown. His mom is named Erica, though.

4. UCF head coach George O'Leary had a fantastic quote about his star running back, Kevin Smith: "He's a stand-up guy in a sit-down world."
Don't you love that? Don't you wanna use that yourself? I think I will.

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ESPN just flashed a cool stat on the TV screen: Alabama has allowed touchdowns on all 15 of its goal-to-go defensive possessions this season. That is, by definition, worst in the NCAA (along with Clemson). And so what happens? On 3rd-and-goal Cody Hawkins finds tight end Tyson DeVree for a touchdown.

It's now 27-7, Bama. And let's not forget who got it all started...my man, Ryan Walters!

Holy Pat Conroy! Alabama has a linebacker named Prince Hall , which makes him the Prince of Tide. I'm way ahead of you, G.A.: there's nobody on the roster named Santini, either good or great.

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Because Alabama is moving the ball at will on the Buffs ("Horniest Mascot" Alert!), Colorado's secondary is having to make a high number of tackles. And the Buffs' free safety, Ryan Walters, is making most of them. So in the press box I'm hearing, "Tackle made by Walters" more than a little. Which makes me sit up a little straighter...and bow my neck, for safety. Ryan Walters....he's got an inside track at All-Bowlnanza Team mention.

And don't even go accusing me of nepotism. Or name-itism. If Mack Brown can have his stepson field fumbles and CU coach Dan Hawkins can start his son at quarterback (it's 20-0, Bama, late in the first quarter, by the way), then this Ryan Walters fiasco is small potatoes...

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Arizona
Delaware
Idaho
Nevada
Oregon
Texas
Utah

What of them? Those are the other seven states, besides the two schools playing tonight, that go consonant-vowel-consonant-vowel etc. Is there a term for that? Any linguists out there?

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Someone should spend a gameday with the unlucky souls who operate the press box elevators on game day. Now, I don't exactly know why we need an elevator operator, but I do believe that sitting in a cramped space, with no windows, ferrying sportswriters up and down all day is a hell not even Dante conjured.

So I'm riding up the elevator a few minutes earlier and a bowl official began making small talk with our elevator operator, a sweet young woman of college age. He told her that he empathized with her plight. Her good-natured answer: "It's alright. I'm very compactible."

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By the way, I parked my car and just as I opened my door heard the wave of noise that accompanies an opening kickoff. Lucky this is only a game between a pair of 6-6 teams...which brings up an important question, being that I'm in a town with no shortage of casinos. If you're playing blackjack and hit a pair of 6's, should you split 'em? I mean, you'd never do that ordinarily, but with Colorado and Alabama in town, should you do it in their honor?

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Newest pet peeve: The term "Media Timeout". When there is a stoppage in play because of a TV commercial, we in the press box hear the P.A. announcer say that there's time is being called for "a media timeout". Um, no. Don't blame me for the interminable game length. The media isn't calling the timeout. ESPN or Fox or ABC or CBS is. Or, on Saturdays from South Bend, NBC. On those days you can blame me. Otherwise, no.

I do love how it used to be "TV timeout" but how suddenly, and quite diabolically, it's been changed to "media timeout". They hoped we wouldn't notice. We have.

Fashionably late to the Independence Bowl. On Markazi Time. Should've gone west on I-20 instead of east on I-20 when I hit Shreve Vegas driving south from Texarkana. If anyone saw an idiot making a U-Turn on the grass median on I-20 about ten miles east of Shreve earlier this evening, hey, I apologize....

Second play of overtime: Tavaris Jackson is crunched, fumbles, Broncos recover at the Vikings 13.

Third play: Jason Elam field goal to win it.

The Vikings score twice in about three minutes late in the fourth, convert two two-point conversions and -- at the end of regulation, it's tied, 19-19.

Are you kidding?

More relevant: Washington 27, Dallas 6.

Since the team that wins the coin toss generally wins these NFL overtime games, here we go: Vikings win the toss.

With the Vikings down 17-3 in Denver and the Redskins up 20-3 in Maryland, you can mark down the Redskins as being headed for Seattle for a Wild Card game.

So that's basically settled, but what about the Cowboys? Since going up on the Brett Favre-led Packers 27-10 on November 29 it's been ugly for them.

They have a one-point win over the Lions a 10-6 loss to the Eagles and a 20-10 win over the woeful Panthers. Now they're going to lose to the Redskins and, while the game doesn't matter in terms of seeding, they were down 20-3 when Tony Romo left the game.

This team isn't going to the Super Bowl without tickets.

You know, when the NFL season is over, it's always a bummer.

But a game like this, Minnesota and Denver-- at least through three quarters -- is the kind that almost makes one pine for "American Gladiators."

Well, almost.

The stands here at Invesco Field at Mile High appear to be no more than half full. If that. Savvy consumers. Plus, it's getting cold. The temperature must have dropped 15 degrees since game time. The lights are on. It's dreary and gray.

Denver gets a field goal to make it 17-3 midway through the third quarter.

And that's the way the quarter ends, 17-3.

Brandon Marshall's 8-yard reception along the right sideline as the quarter drew near an end was his 100th of the season.

Oh, and Washington just scored again. The Redskins now lead Dallas, 20-3.

A long, cold winter in Minnesota is 15 minutes away from being that much longer.

Is it time yet for the Cowboys to put an eye toward the future and get guys like Romo, Witten, Marion Barber and DeMarcus Ware out?

Or is the Giants precedent set last night of continuing a fight once punches have been thrown going to enter into this game?

It's 10-3 Washington with less than a minute left in the second quarter and the Skins about to get the ball near midfield.

Sloppy, sloppy game.

And if this is Minnesota's playoff push -- ugh.

The Vikes lose a first-quater touchdown on Chester Taylor's reversed-on-review fumble out of the end zone.

Then another decent-looking Minnesota drive yields only a Ryan Longwell field goal -- instead of a touchdown -- at the start of the second.

After which, predictably, Denver comes right back to score, the TD coming on a 15-yard Jay Cutler to Brandon Marshall pass, Marshall making a leaping grab along the left side of the end zone.

The Vikings follow that with a three and out.

On the next Minnesota series, Troy Williamson finds himself wide wide wide open, way way way behind the Denver secondary. Vikings quarterback Tavaris Jackson launches a missile, the ball going way way way out there, right to Williamson.

Who drops it.

Two plays later, Taylor, Mr. Let's Fumble Today, fumbles for the second time today, the ball recovered by Denver at the Minnesota 48.

On the very next play, Cutler, scrambling, finds Marshall in the middle of the field. After catching the ball, he is popped by Chad Greenway, and fumbles -- and, things going just this way for Minnesota, recovers his own fumble. First and 10, Denver, at the Minnesota 37.

A 31-yard touchdown run by Denver's Selvin Young two plays after that? Called back. Holding.

Never mind.

Five plays later, Denver punches it in, Cutler to tight end Tony Sheffler for 2 yards. 14-3.

Minnesota's offensive sequence thereafter: awful. Three and out. Less than a minute off the clock. Denver gets the ball back. The Broncos stay in their half of the field as the second quarter ends.

Oh, and in Washington, the Redskins lead Dallas, 10-3.

The Vikings' Ryan Longwell just booted a chip shot of a field goal, 14:51 left in the second quarter, to put Minnesota ahead.

To say that the excitement of this game is underwhelming would itself be an understatement.

Midway through the first, Minnesota appeared to have scored on a 3-yard Chester Taylor run, the referees ruling he had broken the plane before fumbling.

But on replay the call was reversed.

No score -- and Bronco ball.

Denver, predictably, did nothing with the turnover. The Bronco offense has been, um, uninspiring.

To no one's surprise.

Herre in Denver, the Vikings and Broncos kick it off in about 10 minutes.

If the Vikings are to make the playoffs -- let's put the arcane stuff about ties aside -- Dallas has to beat Washington.

The Dallas-Washington and Minnesota-Denver games go off at the same time.

The Vikings could have avoided all this, of course, if they had beaten Washington last week.

But Washington, with Todd Collins making like Sonny Jurgensen, whomped the Vikes.

So now the Vikings have to win here and hope the Cowboys have enough motivation to beat the Redskins -- at FedEx Field.

Not likely.

But that's why they play the games, right?

Safety Patrick Watkins, corner Terence Newman, center Andre Gurode, wideout Terrell Owens and nose tackle Jay Ratliff all will sit today.

Calvin Watkins of the Dallas Morning News told me that all of them except maybe Owens would play if this game had meaning for the Cowboys.

LANDOVER, Maryland - It's absolutely pouring here at Fedex Field. That's going to make for a slow and sloppy track in what is practically a must-win game for the Redskins against the Cowboys .

I say practically because if the Saints lose (and their down 24-17 to Chicago) and the Broncos beat the Vikings, Washington will walk into the playoffs.

Some of you might not remember but professional boxing used to be really interesting.

Every great fighter carried with him an air of invincibility when he stepped into the ring. Some were encircled by it. Yet once the fight began, the air would lift leaving behind just that boxer and his challenger. And he would be tested. Often the test would be exceedingly easy. Other times, when it wasn't supposed to be particularly tough, it would turn out a whole lot different.

And the air would vibrate with anticipation. Could it? Would it? Is this the night? Is this the time?

Eventually, the answer would come. But that feeling you had when you didn't know? When you were having your notions reconfigured? They were golden.

And that's the way this game between the Giants and Patriots has felt. A meaningless game for an imaginary title.

And it's been a figurative war.

Randy Moss drops an underthrown bomb from Tom Brady. It was a certain record-breaker for Brady and Moss. And, more importantly, was to be the score that pushed the Patriots on top for the first time since the second quarter.

It had the feel of a groin kick to the Pats. One play later, Brady went back to Moss, the coverage got blown and the most athletically gifted receiver in the history of the sport was left alone. Touchdown.

Records fall. Patriots lead, 31-28 with 9:59 remaining.

He's 14 for 20 for 198 yards but is just playing so intelligently. Now some of that may have to do with the fact the Patriots didn't lay a glove on him until the final minute of the third quarter sacking him to ruin the last Giants drive.

Either way, he's been remarkably good. Meanwhile, Brady's quietly gone 24 for 30 in the first three quarters.

Oh, and nobody's talking about touchdown records right now.

New England is down 28-16 after a precise Giants drive that went 60 yards in seven plays and ended with a 19-yard TD pass to Plaxico Burress who made a terrific leaning catch in the end zone.

The Pats went three-and-out quietly to start the second half.

There's 9:12 left in the third. The biggest deficit New England faced before this one was down 20-10 to the Colts back in Week 8.

Everlasting Blogstalker G.A. is chilling in El Paso, and his thoughts turned to THAT song with Memphis in its title. Here's his effort:

well, o'leary plays it conservative
and sylvester's just as bland
the knights just hope for field goals
croom's afraid he might get canned

and the ghost of barry sanders
has never heard of kevin smith
as he silent-bobs for countless yards
only adding to his myth

well i'm blogging in memphis
i'm blogging even as it gets more lame
yeah, i'm blogging in memphis
but do i even care who wins this game?

so the patriots can't be beaten
this game's worse than crystal meth
but i'm blogging on as it's my job
give me liberty, give me death

yeah i'm blogging in memphis
i'm blogging from a game with zero appeal
yeah i'm blogging in memphis
was it really worth the pregame meal?

Don't you love it when G.A. does my job better than I do?

Walken In Memphis

One last nod to Christopher Walken before we leave the Liberty Bowl...and the reasons to mention him become even more contrived. It was Walken who played "legendary producer Bruce Dickinson" in SNL's best-ever sketch, "More Cowbell". Bruce had a fever, you know, and the only cure was more cowbell.
Another Walken moment in pop-culture history worth knowing about comes from The Onion, in a completely silly piece involving Walken and his first passion, hot dogs:

Walken in L.A. [Christopher Walken on hot dogs]
The Onion

Do you enjoy eating hot dogs? I hope you won't be put off by my frankness when I tell you that I absolutely love them. In fact, I enjoy no food item more than a freshly-boiled hot dog. Now, I've done a lot of movies, and it's true that I've worked with quite a few celebrities who did not share this opinion. I'm sorry to say that these people have always angered me.

Big Kevin Boss just caught a touchdown pass from Manning to cap an 85-yard, 8 play drive in 1:46. It was a 3-yard flip. Both Boss and Manning played terrific on the drive - a 23-yard completion to Boss was the highlight along with a 13-yard scramble by Manning to get the ball to the 2.

The Pats drew within 1 on a 45-yard field goal by Stephen Gostskowski. A 39-yard, 8-play drive got it done.

The Patriots have run 25 offensive plays. The Giants have run 10.

My bad earlier. Moss has tied Rice's record of 22 touchdown receptions.

Kicking off from their 25, the Patriots just let Domenik Hixon go 74 yards for a touchdown. The 15-yard penalty on Moss for excessive celebration after the Patriots touchdown didn't help.

It's 14-10 Geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-Men.

Tom Brady just threw a little fade to Randy Moss to complete his 49th touchdown pass of the season, tying the NFL record of Peyton Manning.

The Patriots now have the record for points scored in a season (561). Moss is within one touchdown reception of Jerry Rice's record of 22 set in 12 games back in 1987.

Moss got a 15-yard penalty for excessive celebration. He danced. He spiked. He didn't feign taking his pants down.

Randy Moss just crumpled to the ground on an 11-yard completion to Kevin Faulk. It's unclear what landed Moss on the turf but he did walk off under his own power. Self-propelled even.

A very questionable illegal contact call on Corey Webster just wiped out a sack of Tom Brady on third-and-14 and extended a Patriots drive which has now reached the Giants 22.

Here comes the little birdy on Tom Coughlin's shoulder saying, "Let it go...."

Starting weakside linebacker Kawika Mitchell sprained his knee and will not return this evening.

Tom Brady's first throw of the night to Randy Moss was uncharacteristically low. Randy Moss made the catch. But three plays later, tight end Ben Watson cement-handed a throw forcing a fourth-and-3. The Pats picked it up on a back-shoulder throw to Randy Moss.

The drive is now fown to the Giants 18.

The Giants, propelled by the 52-yard bomb to Plaxico Burress from Eli Manning, score a TD on their opening drive, going 74 yards in 7 plays before Brandon Jacobs hammered in with a short checkdown pass from Manning from 7 yards out.

The Giants aren't going to be able to run with Jacobs. He's the kind of back that labors against the big strong Pats linebackers. But if New York opens it up, it could get interesting.

A 52-yard gain to Plaxico Burress on the game's second play has the Giants inside the Patriots 20-yard line.

Hmmmm....

We know what's on the line tonight. Nothing more than history. But who's got what at stake tomorrow?

Check this...

In the NFC, it's simple. If Washington beats the Cowboys the Redskins are in as the sixth seed and play at Seattle.

If the Redskins lose and the Vikings win, the Vikings are in and go to Seattle.

If the Redskins and Vikings lose and the Saints win, the Saints go to Seattle.

If all three lose, the Redskins are in.

In the AFC, it all comes down to Tennessee's game at the Colts. If they win, they're in. If they lose, Cleveland's in (unless Tennessee ties and Cleveland wins or ties then Cleveland's in).

The only other ball in the air is seeding in the AFC.

Currently, San Diego is the third seed and will most likely host the Titans. Pittsburgh is the 4 and they'll host Jacksonville.

If San Diego loses to the Raiders and the Steelers beat Baltimore, the Steelers are the 3 and they'll host the 6 (again, most likely Tennessee).

The 3-4 seed is also up in the air: San Diego owns the tiebreaker (conference record). The only way Pittsburgh gets the 3 seed is with a win and a Chargers loss.

So it looks like Pittsburgh and the Jags and the Chargers and the Titans with Cleveland having an outside shot.

Rick Neuheisel is headed to UCLA to be the Bruins head coach. The Ravens offense will never be the same.

Tom Brady just came onto the field and swapped pleasantries with Giants counterpart Eli Manning in what looked like a very amiable conversation. Reading body language, it appeared Manning was offering Brady congratulations, presumably on a great year. But the press box is exceptionally high here at Giants Stadium and he could have been telling him he had food in his teeth.

Brady also traded happys with Giants long-snapper Zak DeOssie who was once a ballboy for Brady and whose father, Steve, played for both the Patriots and Giants.

The inactives for the game have been released and, for the Giants, running back Ahmad Bradshaw is on the list as is wide receiver Sinorice Moss.

The Patriots will be without the right side of their line. Both tackle Nick Kaczur and guard Stephen Neal are down. So is Troy Brown.

UCF has first-and-ten on its own eight. Kevin Smith, who needs about 65 yards to break Barry's record, is exactly where he wants to be.

Neuheisel, Oldheisel

UCLA blinked and hired former Bruin quarterback Rick Neuheisel, whom I've always liked. I know, I know, he was fired from Washington. For taking part in an NCAA basketball pool. If you fired every college coach who did that, who'd be left? Joe Paterno?

The last time I saw Neuheisel in person was a long time ago. About eleven years. We were in the backyard of his parents' house in Tempe, Arizona. He was the head coach at Colorado at the time, and had just returned from a recruiting visit with an assistant of his. The assistant with him? Karl Dorrell. I kid you not.

I think that puts me in line to be the next ex-head coach of UCLA.

One man's P.G. Wodehouse tribute...

Entering the 4th quarter, Kevin Smith has 108 yards. Tough-earned yards, by the way. He needs 73 yards in the final quarter to break Barry Sanders' record (though he's really not doing so...as explained before).

Michael-not-Tico Torres of UCF just missed his second field goal of the 2nd half, and so we remain dead-square at 3-3. You may be sitting at home waiting for the Patriot game to begin, thinking that this game blows, but you know what? It's the best bowl atmosphere I've seen in 14 Bowlnanza games, with the possible exception of last New Year's Day's Fiesta Bowl. But that was largely due to how riveting the game was.

Tonight's crowd is a sellout, a Liberty Bowl-record throng of 63, 816. A few reasons this game is so popular:

1. Cowbells, and lots of 'em
2. Kevin Smith
3. Beer sales

By the way, Taylor Hicks performed at halftime. Hicks.

I don't know if I've ever seen this before. It's probably happened, but I cannot recall it. At the half, Mississippi State and Central Florida are a combined 0 for 16 on 3rd-down conversions. Now, we're playing before a packed house (thanks to rowdy and geographically desirable MSU fans) with a terrific atmosphere, but these teams are not delivering.

Not one third down conversion.
Thirteen punts.
And a total of six completions for 27 yards.

Derek Pegues of MSU has as many catches (2) as anyone on the field, which would be less egregious if he were not playing free safety.

Give the defenses credit, but I don't want to imagine how unwatchable this game would become if Kevin Smith got hurt. Smith has 77 yards at the half. His team's total, though, is 67 yards.

If the Patriots win tonight to complete a 16-0 regular season, is that the No. 1 sports story of 2007. So far, in the informal poll of people seated around me, the answer is absolutely not.

Barry Bonds' pursuit of the home run record while being dogged by, well, you know all that stuff...that's the consensus winner.

No. 2 was the Mitchell Report which is really a substory to the Bonds deal, isn't it?

Then came the Mike Vick mess.

Then and only then did the Patriots get consideration.

Sad commentary. The top three stories in sports had nothing to do with the game.

EAST RUTHERFORD, N.J. - The weather in Northern New Jersey will be more than accommodating for the New England Patriots offense tonight.

It's about 50 degrees and will only cool to around 39 according to local forecasts.

The wind is non-existent.

Is there a petition somewhere that I can sign that will abolish "further review" from college football? Anywhere? I will sign it happily, Hancockily even.

In the first quarter of today's game Mississippi State quarterback Not-John Wesley Carroll cocked his arm to throw, and as he was pulling the pass back the ball was knocked from his hand/or slipped out of his hand. Either way, it was a fumble, and the official on the field correctly called it so.

Mississippi called a timeout and "after further review" the play was reversed.

So what did we accomplish?

1. Expending three or four minutes of time in a game that is already too long.
2. Getting the call wrong.
3. Undermining the job of the official on the field.
4. Favoring second-guessing over instinct, which is always a horrible mistake.

When someone can convince me that "further review" gets calls right with any more frequency than the initial call, I might be swayed. Until then, at the very least, can we mandate that a play only be reviewed if the coach demands it, and that the coach only is allowed one review per half? It's one thing that the NFL does have over college.

UCF's offense:

first down...Kevin Smith
second down....Kevin Smith
third down....pass, because Smith lost yardage on one of the aforementioned downs; and Kyle Israel is not a good enough QB to complete passes on obvious passing downs, as we've seen. Bulldog free safety just played deep middle perfectly, read the pattern, and intercepted Israel on a 3rd-and-6, returning it 40 yards to the UCF 6.

The Golden Knight defense, which has played very well so far--not that MSU has a naut-of-jugger offense-- held, though. It's 3-3, with 6:01 remaining in the first half.

That's the film, by the way, that I believe CBS was going to air this evening...until the NFL Network handed them and my very own NBC the simulcast for tonight's Pats-Giants game.

After one quarter, Kevin Smith has 42 yards, which puts him on pace--well, who cares about "pace" after just one quarter? I'm going to see two football games on New Year's Day, which will put me on pace to see 732 in 2008. And I doubt I'll do that (I'll see more, through the magic of television). Anyway, if Smith gets 42 yards in each of the next three quarters, he will finish 20 yards shy of Sanders' record...see, math is fun!

Smith just broke off a 14-yard run. He now has 56, which puts him above 2,500.

Smith again, just gained 5. That's 61 yards. He now needs 120 to break the record.

Smith again, loss of 1.

By the way, UCF quarterback Kyle Israel...not so accurate.

Kevin Smith: 60 yards total. Needs 121 to break Sanders' record.

In case you cannot see this game on the tube, UCF runs a one-back set. Smith lines up 8 yards behind the line of scrimmage on most plays, except when Israel lines up in the shotgun, which is not too often.

Michael Torres just nailed a 45-yard field goal for the Knights. Tico Torres (likely) just nailed a groupie backstage. That's for all you Bon Jovi fans.

It's Cowbell Cacaphony here at the Liberty Bowl, which is not even the biggest sporting event taking place in Memphis today. That happens later on this evening, when No. 1 Memphis hosts Arizona in hoops.

I stopped by the Peabody Hotel this morning to watch the semi-world famous "Duck Walk". You arrive about 15 minutes before 11 a.m. (the ducks walk twice daily, at 11 a.m. and 5 p.m.) and the crowd is already about four or five deep. The lobby is splendiferous--you'd think they could sacrifice, like, a dozen Hilton Garden Inns for just one hotel this nice, no?-- and it's pretty cool. The entire room is pregnant with anticipation...and people's sisters. There's a red carpet laid down, leading from the front door to a fountain in the middle of the room.

And, then, the big deal we've all been waiting for....four ducks walking down the carpet to the fountain. Cue "Is That All There Is?" In terms of red-carpet traipses, it's the waterfowl equivalent to watching the second-tier cast members from "Lost" make their entrance at the Emmys. Kind of underwhelming.

The funny part is that people wait half an hour for the ducks. Then there's music and the ducks enter. The four of them aren't in the fountain for more than a minute before the crowd disperses. There's a life lesson in there somewhere (and we learn it annually at the Super Bowl and Christmas), but I'm too frazzled by the sound of cowbells to ponder it.

Just wondering: On August 16, 1977, when the coroner's hearse pulled out of Graceland, did anyone say, "Elvis has left the building?"

Frequent and faithful (but not frequently faithful, since that would imply he's occasionally unfaithful) everlasting blogstalker G.A. reminds us that Barry Sanders averaged 238 yards per game in his record-breaking 1988 season of 2,628 yards. That was over 11 games. Now, add the 222 yards that Sanders gained in the 1988 Holiday Bowl--which have not been retroactively added to his total-- and that would give B.S. 2,850 yards for that season. Which means that Smith would need just 402 yards to break Sanders' record this afternoon.

All of which is to say that both Smith and Sanders are tremendous running backs. But even Smith would acknowledge that he is not yet in Sanders' class. "I did YouTube him," Smith said earlier this week, noting that he was too young to watch Sanders play in his prime (yes, Barry's been retired that long). "Barry was an animal."

Greetings from sunny (and relatively warm) Memphis! It's yet another beautiful day, our third sunshiny day in as many bowl games covered thus far. The Bowlnanza gods are smiling on us. You might even call--if you've been faithfully reading along--the weather Sunshine Studly .

ANYWAY, it's the Liberty Bowl, which if you've never been here, resembles a slightly bloated version of the stadium at the Air Force Academy, which if you've never been there, hey, what can I tell you? I'm trying to help. Basically, it's a single-tiered stadium with a saddle-like conformation: high in the middle and low on the ends. The west side of the stadium is bathed in shade--good on most gamedays, but not this one--and the east side, where the Mississippi State Bulldogs (and their fans) are situated, will be sunny. Gotta be worth 2 points for the Cowbellers.

Anyway, there's only one number/figure/fact that you need to remember for today's meeting between Mississippi State and Central Florida. And that is 2,628 yards, the number of yards that Barry Sanders rushed for in eleven games for Oklahoma State in 1988. That is the NCAA record, and Sanders was not credited for his bowl game yards then.

Central Florida running back Kevin Smith, a junior, enters today's game with 2,448 yards. Do the math and you'll see that he needs 180 yards (eight less than his average) to tie Sanders' record and 181 to break it. If you're a Sanders fan, or even simply a purist, you may think that Smith's record, should he set it today, needs to be accompanied with that star signal (*) on your cellphone. After all, Smith has already played in two more games and this, his 14th, is a bowl game. When Sanders played, bowl games statistics were not included in one's season totals.

And we haven't even touched upon the issue of overtime stats, which did not exist when Sanders played, either.

Regardless, it'll be fun to keep an eye on Smith's total this afternoon.

The Bulldog defense, by the way, will likely not be awed by UCF's No. 24. Already in 2007 MSU has faced six of the nation's top fifty rushers, including numbers 2 and 4. Here's how MSU has fared against those six backs (and where they rank nationally):

3. Matt Forte, Tulane (177.25)...........................14 carries for 47 yards
4. Darren McFadden, Arkansas (143.75)..........28 carries for 88 yards
34. Pat White, West Virginia (98.75).....................5 carries for 89 yards
38. BenJarvus Green-Ellis, Ole Miss (94.75).......29 carries for 117 yards
45. Arian Foster, Tennessee (89.38)..................21 carries for 139 yards
47. Steve Slaton, West Virginia (87.75)..............23 carries for 127 yards

A rusher's ability to gain 100 yards versus MSU did not necessarily coincide with an MSU loss. The Bulldogs beat Mississippi despite Green-Ellis' 117 yards, but lost to Arkansas despite holiding two-time Heisman runner-up McFadden to 88 yards. MSU ranks 65th in the nation against the run, allowing 159 yards per game on the ground.

And that's all the boring numbers I'll give you for the day.

Now it's time to visit the field and do the Bruce Dickinson thing: "I"ve got a fever, and the only cure is more cowbell!"

.

Stranded here in the San Diego Airport, my flight to Memphis (thru Atlanta) delayed. Wondering about the sanity of anyone (i.e., me) who leaves San Diego in the first place. Resigned to the fact that I have no idea where I'm sleeping this evening and that this is the first Flustercuck of this Bowlnanza. Also wondering if it's too late to catch a ride back to Texas with Bevo and the Silver Spurs.

But things could be worse. This terminal of the San Diego Airport (Lindbergh Field, is it?) is modern and sparsely populated today. I'm watching the College Football on ESPN trio (Rece, Lou and Mark) and enjoying myself. Especially when the topic turns to Longhorns assistant Chris Jessie, who nearly became the Bartman of college football last night.

A few things:

1) I spoke to Jessie on the field after the game. He assured me that he never did touch the football, and from what I've seen, I believe him. On the other (non-football touching) hand, what was he doing that close to the edge of the sidelines, anyway? What was he doing standing literally on the field, while a play was in process?
To quote the late Warren Zevon: "Well, he's just an excitable boy!"
Rece asked Coach Holtz to comment on the situation, and I just smiled. Lou spared his son, Skip, currently the East Carolina coach (who just led his team to victory over Boise State in the Hawaii Bowl), the embarrassment of re-telling his own nepotism-bit-me-in-the-rear tale. It was the last game of Lou's first season in South Bend, what would be an epic come-from-behind win at Southern Cal. Except that Skip, whom Lou had installed on the punt return team, almost blew it. On one USC punt Skip ran into the Trojan punter. Flag, 15 yards. Roughing the kicker.
If only ESPN had pulled out the tape of Holtz grabbing his son by the facemask and chewing him out something awful. That moment, by the way, is when my mom began to hold Lou not just in admiration but in beatification. She loved that Lou was as tough on his son--tougher, perhaps--as he'd be on any other player.
Me? I still cannot believe that Skip Holtz is a Division I-A football coach. But he is. And while he already looks older than his dad, he did a fine job this season.

2) Mark May wondered what Chris Jessie was doing on the sidelines, as do I. Hell, I wondered what I was doing on the sidelines. There's a rule, discovered during last season's bowlnanza, that the less important the game, the more fun I'll have covering it. That's because of the access I can get. Although I had only a media pass, I was on the sidelines for all but the first quarter. And now, because most people's cellphones can also take photos, it's nearly impossible for security to monitor all the people on the sidelines shooting photos. The bottom line is this: If you ARE somebody, expect