GADOLPH TITLER
Great moments from Oscar night (brought to you by Diablo D'Cody Fagg):
1. George Clooney to Regis Philbin: "How did Notre Dame do today?"
We already knew you were the coolest kid in class, George, but making small talk about the Syracuse-Notre Dame game on the red carpet? You've taken it to a level that no one will be able to reach. When you said, "They were up at the half", it was almost enough to make me forget "One Fine Day." I was half-expecting you to say, "And that Harangodly! Hope he doesn't turn pro this summer!"
Also, how can we forget your rejoinder when Regis paid you that embarrassing compliment ("Everybody used to want to be Cary Grant, now they want to be George Clooney."). Your reply? "Well, that's because Cary Grant is dead. Nobody wants to be dead."
Obama-Clooney. You're telling me this wouldn't work? George, you are hereby appointed "Secretary of Suave".
2. Jon Stewart. Funny, funny man you are. Anyone who has ever even attempted to have something published saw the punchline from the "Vanity Fair" party joke coming all the way up LaBrea, but it was still funny. And the line about "Norbit" receiving a nomination -- "Too often the Academy only recognizes movies that are good" -- was sweet. Also, the Dennis Hopper riff ("I'm just mentioning you so that you know where you are") was good humor.
3. How many times did the camera pan to lovely Laura Linney (Laura, get yourself a role where you can actually look as good as you do in real life) and there was Viggo Mortenson seated directly behind her and you thought, What a nice couple they'd make.
4. Tilda Swinton. Very cool acceptance speech, but in a movie where the best performance by far was given by Tom Wilkinson, followed by Clooney, it just didn't seem proper that you'd bring home the statue. Besides, I thought you did far better work in "Some Kind of Wonderful."
5. Harvey-air Bardem?!?
6. Good joke introducing Seth Rogan and Jonah Hill as Halle Berry and Dame Judi Dench. Now, I've never been associated with a comedy that made nine figures, but if I may play comedy mentor for a second, it would have been funnier if the two of them had never mentioned it. If they'd just come out and done it straight, that would be funnier.
7. Where was Michael Cera? He was just as vital to "Juno" as Ellen Page, and he was the chewy soft center of "Superbad" as well. The young man deserved his props.
8. Go see "Once". Or get the DVD. I love that it only cost $100,000 to make. When "Falling Slowly" won for best original song (apparently there's an earlier ceremony in which "best unoriginal song" is recognized) it was my one "Look at me, I'm actually excited" moment of the evening. That, and whenever Helen Mirren appeared, of course. Helen, seriously, call me! 63 is the new 57.
9. The melodies of all three songs from "Enchanted". Did any of them stick in your head?
10. Class move by Jon Stewart allowing Marketa Irglova to return to the stage after the commercial break to give her acceptance speech. And how about after Glen Hansard had said his piece? Stewart: "What an arrogant guy!"
Excellent. If there's one thing the awards shows -- not just the Oscars -- consistently demonstrate is that non-Americans are more effusive and witty, and less affected than we homers. Consider last night's best speeches: Hansard and Irglova, Harvey-air Bardem, Tilda Swinton. I'm beginnning to wonder if Clooney is even American.
And you probably noticed that all four major acting awards went to non-Americans. As did the best original song award. And, the U.S. got shut out in Best Foreign Film as well. We may have invented Hollywood, but other countries are doing it better. The Oscars is beginning to remind me of the NBA.
11. Good idea, whoever had it, allowing the troops in Baghdad to announce an award. On the other hand, is it just me or are we always overly conscious of making it a "gorgeous mosaic" in those situations? We had the white guy, the Hispanic guy, the African-American woman...And what was that body of water they were standing in front of? Was that Baghdad or a Sandals resort?
12. I don't know about you, but I'm willing to bet that "Henry Kissinger, Man on the Go" is more entertaining and has more artistic merit than "Fool's Gold".
13. Better luck next year, Ruby Dee.
14. Give it up for Moose (previous blog), who predicted that "Bourne" would win in both Sound Mixing and Sound Editing...proving that few of the Academy voters understand the difference between the two themselves.
15. Loveliest ladies on the red carpet: Jennifer Garner and Keri Russell. Did Gary Busey think he was shooting another cameo for "Entourage"?
More observations as they hit me ...
16. I hear that Clint Eastwood is doing a Japanese-language version of "Atonement". Actually, I hear that Clint is going to do a Japanese-language version of the part where the American soldiers awarded best short documentary.
17. Did anyone else make Sweeney Todd cakes as an Oscar dessert? Okay, I didn't, but my friend Kenny in Minneapolis did. And it was yummy.
18. I hear all the snarky comments about how vapid she is. About how her face reminds you of Domino's Pizza. But, I mean c'mon, does anyone have a more rockin' bod than Cameron Diaz? Plus, she knows how to pronounce "cinematography".
19. The Sports Bunny and I were watching the Oscars and trying to figure out if there's a female equivalent to George Clooney. Someone so cool and yet so good-looking. We decided that no, there is not. At least not in Hollywood. When I posed this question to my hilarious friend Katie McCollow (read her blog: yuckysaladwithbones.com), her reply was: "George Clooney is the closest female representation of George Clooney." (Update: On second thought, I'd say, "Helen Mirren". She's the closest distaff version of Clooney. Don't laugh.)
20. Heidi Klum and Seal were seated in the audience, and please don't say, "Are you sure it was Heidi Klum and Seal?" because who else looks like those two? Neither is involved with movies, but apparently being ridiculously hot is enough to land you a seat there.
21, When will someone be smart enough to mike up Nicholson for the entire show? I mean, every time Stewart mentioned him you can see him talking back to the stage, but you never know what he's saying. Probably, it's bleep-worthy. What I love about Jack is that he just doesn't care what you think. You know who he needs to be dating? Cher. How great would that be? Nicholson-Cher. I'd pay to see that.
22. Diablo Cody. Loved the dress. Loved it even more when Rosie O'Donnell wore it in "The Flintstones" movie.
23. How many more songs from "Enchanted" would have to be nominated before someone finally got smart enough to nominate even one from "Into The Wild"? I honestly don't get Hollywood sometimes. "Into the Wild" had an amazing soundtrack, and you'd get Eddie Vedder performing live. By the way, is Kristen Chenowith the only woman in America who knows how to sing? I mean, how would you have liked to have been the second-best female vocalist at her high school? That must have sucked when auditions for the musical took place.
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NBCSports.com's John Walters goes into the world of college sports and well beyond. From Notre Dame to the latest in pop culture, JDub tackles it all.
Honestly, when Cody took the stage, I said "She's wearing Wilma Flintstone tonight." And in fairness, that was the second Eric Stoltz joke I'd heard today, though I did laugh at both. I went with "When did Clay Aiken get green eyes?"
And was it just me, or was this the weakest Death Montage ever? I think Heath Ledger might have very well died in a selfless act to keep the Oscar audience from clapping loudest for Suzanne Pleshette. (If Bob Newhart's reading this, sincere apologies.)
And if there was anything to trivialize the daylights out of the great honor of "Best Picture," it was seeing them scroll through 80 years of winners. Of the first 40, honestly, I hadn't even heard of half. I'm not saying people are going to reminisce about "No Country for Old Men" in 60 years, but the list wasn't exactly the AFI top 100.
Jon Stewart has that Johnny Carson quality where even the jokes that die get you on the delivery. He's top-five funny right now.
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G.A., I realize it's shameless to comment on one's own blog (look how many commenters he has! Oh, it's artificial, kind of like the Nets attendance figures), but you make excellent points. For Best Picture, I counted, and it turns out I've seen 45 of them...and fell asleep through 21 of those 45. I'm gonna rent "The Life of Emile Zola" tonight. Didn't he win, like four Olympic medals in distance running?
Also, so so true on the death montage. If you're an attention-needy actor/actress (are there any other kind?), you missed out by not succumbing to the grim reaper's scythe in 2007. As G.A. said, "Suzanne Pleshette?!?" I mean, at least Deborah Kerr was better known as a film star. And how come Heath only got footage from "Brokeback"? Why didn't they show the scene from "The Patriot" in which he buys it? Okay, enough from me...
Can someone get G.A. and J-Dub Oscar invites and have them miked up for the entire show?
For a pair of sportswriters, you two certainly know how to dish! I personally wasn't too sure where to look when Diablo took the stage, between the hideous tat and the skirt dangerously slit up to there. Helen Mirren was red hot. JW, I think Daniel Day Lewis already beat you to the punch. And last, who isn't going to miss the vocal baritone of Suzanne Pleshette?
Great Oscar recap. Did anyone else notice how this year's Oscars went out of their way to give total props to the behind the scenes people? Seemed like a painfully obvious head honcho nip-it-in-the-bud move. Many of the "little people" got a shout out except for...the janitors. No worries. Just like in Scrubs, the Janitor made his presence (or lack of) known with a mysteriously slippy spot dangerously close to the podium.
I loved how Colin went back and rode the wave while John Travolta seemed to just be happy not to break anything. He has soooooo lost his edge.
All I'm saying is maybe we should make sure the guy in charge of the death montage has somebody who can verify where he was when Mr. Ledger joined the list. And he seriously could have picked out stock photos and reeled off the names of everyone in his eighth-grade class and nobody in America would know. "Hey, wait, I've never heard of those agents!" I'm going to go back and try to find the one guy in the crowd giggling uncontrollably during that montage.
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Why did Brad Renfro get erased from the parade of dead guys?? Poor shlub has the bad luck to die minutes before Heath and then he gets no love at all at the Oscars. Even in death he's J.V.
John Travolta's fourth Hollywood reincarnation ended at least three years ago. It's time for him to go back to the kids' table.
For the Oscars, you only get into the parade of dead guys if you are a member of the Academy. Brad wasn't a member. Heath, because of his academy nomination, was a member. So to be in the parade you have to be dead AND a member of the Academy. Brad's just dead. Sad but true. He's not even J.V.