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Five Sleepers

Enough of that nonsense. Here are five sleeper picks for those of you who prefer to stay indoors and watch five hours of Mel Kiper on a beautiful spring Saturday:

Chris Johnson, RB, East Carolina
He doesn't sound very big (5-11, 195) but when you look at Johnson, who led the NCAA in all-purpose yardage in 2007, in pads, he seems almost Dickersonian. Johnson is both speedy (4.24, supposedly) and elusive: he won any footrace against DBs last season. Also, he saved his best game for the one that more viewers could see him than previously in his career, as he exploded for 408 all-purpose yards against Boise State in the Hawaii Bowl.

Joey Haynos, TE, Maryland
A former walk-on who played just one year of high school football, Haynos possesses a most intrinsic intangible among tight ends: height. He stands 6-8, 259 pounds, and would be as tall as any tight end in the NFL next season if he makes a roster. Haynos may not exactly be graceful, but he's a quarterback's best friend when he cannot find an open receiver. With an economics degree in his pocket, Haynos (27 catches in '07) need only improve his 40 time (4.87) to really have teams consider him a mid-round theft.

Alvin Bowen, LB, Iowa State
 The undersized linebacker (6-1, 223) ed the nation in tackles in 2006 and the Cyclones in tackles in 2007. The biggest question about Bowen, who had a pick in the East-West Shrine game, is where he'd play. Is he athletic enough to play safety? Big enough to play outside linebacker? Watching him on tape, it is apparent that Bowen is a sideline-to-sideline defender, but is he big enough to take on NFL running backs?

Jayson Foster, QB, Georgia Southern
Just 5-7 and 170 pounds, this Walter Payton Award winner (the I-AA Heisman equivalent) went from QB as a sophomore to WR as a junior and back to QB as a senior. Incredibly elusive (<<<besides, who doesn't get jacked listening to "Machinehead"?), Foster may have a future in the NFL as a return man. Not a few scouts consider him their top-secret hush-hush late-round wildcard steal.

Josh Johnson, QB, San Diego
As a 5-11 high school QB playing in the Bay Area and being overshadowed by classmates in the region such as Kyle Wright and Sam Keller, Johnson received no scholarship offers. He enrolled at I-AA San Diego and under the tutelage (for three seasons) of Jim Harbaugh, blossomed into a credible draft pick. Now 6-3, Johnson set a I-AA record in passing efficiency while also finishing 4th nationally in passing yards per game. Last season Johnson completed 68% of his 301 passes and had an "Is-that-a-typo?"-worthy TD pass-to-interception ratio of 43:1. The only question is the level of competition he has previously faced.

THE BIG SHOW

Was that a theme night that Letterman was staging on his Wednesday night broadcast? Dave's two guests, who appeared individually, were Keith Olbermann and Dan Patrick. Excuse me, what did you say? Ohhhh. Keith Olbermann and Danica Patrick.

Conan, Mr. Ebersol Would Like To Speak To You

This from Conan O'Brien's Wednesday night monologue (not verbatim, but you get the idea): "In California, a female figure skater is claiming that someone slipped a roofie into her drink...authorities looking for suspects have ruled out male figure skaters."

(The best part of this joke was that, as I sat on my couch and howled, the studio audience reaction was dead silence ... which Conan seemed to appreciate all the more)

Nash-Ville

Steve Nash appeared on PTI's "Five Good Minutes" segment on Thursday. It was a struggle to watch, not because the Suns point guard is a bad interview (quite the contrary) but it was up against the "Rory's 21st Birthday" episode of Gilmore Girls, which is a classic ("We haven't lost until she comes home pregnant!" "And on that note ..."). I did catch enough of the interview to see Wilbon ask Nash if the San Antonio series would be a referendum on whether the Shaq trade was a good idea.

Nash started to respond, then flashed his signature grin, and replied, "Who's referendum?" That's what I love about him. He actually listens and ponders the question before opening his mouth. And he is friendly about it? I'm sure there are those who'd say that this is a product of his Canadian upbringing, but I'm going to side with his Jesuit college education. Either way, Steve Nash and I need to hang out all summer playing hoops and soccer, drinking Molsons and attending rock festivals. After all, the Suns will be on vacation by the time Bonnaroo kicks off in early June.

Those Infernal Deadspin Commenters

There are those who appear on camera who absolutely loooooathe Deadspin commenters, but you've got to admit that often their comments are funnier than what Mr. Leitch writes. The other day there was an entry about ESPN sideline babe Erin Andrews (I know: shocker!. ... Not that kind of shocker) that was in itself hilarious. Miss Andrews tells "Men's Health" that she prefers "low-maintenance" guys in one sentence, then cites Tom Brady and David Beckham as examples of that laid-back type.

What's funnier, however, is the photo of Andrews that inspired one reader to comment: "I got rid of my scurvy just looking at that photo."

Next week HBO will be airing an hour-long live broadcast of "COSTAS NOW" on the current state of sports and the media (and yours truly will be there). Leitch will be there, too -- the difference being that I'll just be some schmuck sitting in the audience, while he will be a panelist. And here's the thing that Mr. Costas, who is the smartest and most articulate person on-air, must understand: The internet is the purest form of Jeffersonian democracy that sports media has ever attained.

First of all, all voices are heard. If you equate sports media to colonial times, personalities such as Chris Berman and Stuart Scott are large landowners while we fans are just indentured servants. And yet our voices are heard. Some commenters are crass and some downright profane -- and moronic -- but then again some are keenly insightful or wickedly funny. And in this forum your voice is heard.

Second, the populace gets to choose whom they prefer reading. When I worked at Sports Illustrated I was advised that I was not writing to please the general public; I was writing to appeal to the seven or so suits down the hall: all of whom were white males, attended Ivy League schools, and wouldn't be caught dead sitting in the upper deck of a sports venue.

Writers like Bill Simmons and Will Leitch would never have had a chance, writing the way they do, at SI. Clearly, though, the public yearned for voices like theirs. At SI a writer (I won't name names, but you know whom the truly brilliant ones were) would pen a wickedly funny line, the editor would read it, laugh, and then cut it. Why? Because he either thought it was too base for the magazine's readership or that not enough people would catch the reference.

The internet does not do that. Read FireJoeMorgan.com. Or The Sports Guy. Or Deadspin. These writers never patronize their readers' intelligence.

Yesterday I was watching "Mad Money" and a college student called in to Cramer. The Baron of Boo-Yah thanked him for the call, then went on a rant about how programmers claim that college kids don't watch TV and how that was a myth. Cramer shouted that "they don't watch TV because not enough shows are smart enough for them. The answer isn't to dumb down, it's to respect their intelligence."

And, bizarre as it sounds, that is what the internet does. And to be fair to Mr. Costas and HBO, that is what they do, with shows such as "Real Sports" and "Costas Now". Now, as for an upcoming HBO series entitled "Hung", about a middle-aged man with a sizeable endowment who "figures out how to take advantage" of this physical anomaly, we'll just have to wait and see if that's any less sophomoric and crass than those Deadspin commenters.