SEMI-DAILY DOMER: A LEI UP ON THE COMPETITION

Well, sooner than you can say bureacrazy the NCAA and Notre Dame's administration got all Dean Wormer on this student and so now, no lei's. Apparently there is an NCAA by-law against such shows of affection. And so there will be no lei distribution, even if the lei's are carbon-neutral, this Saturday.

No one gets lei'd at Notre Dame. What else is new?

But, in the spirit of "Did we give up when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?", I expect some cheeky Domers to come up with an alternate plan. And if they are in search of any inspiration, allow me to invoke the words of everyone's least favorite boss, Bill Lumbergh, "Oh, and remember next Friday...is Hawaiian shirt day."

Football Notes

Charlie Weis led off Tuesday's presser by announcing that "I will be handling the play-calling on offense". The Irish head coach prefaced that remark by saying that offensive coordinator Mike Haywood would be "missing some practice for personal reasons. I support these personal reasons."

Weis added that he'd be calling the plays for the USC game since it's a "short week" between the Syracuse and USC games. Anyone else wonder if we're going to see Coach Haywood call plays again?

Notre Dame fans shouldn't worry about who's calling the plays. They should be concerned about who makes the decisions as to when to pull the starters.

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Hey, I keep forgetting to mention that Notre Dame does in fact have an outstanding football team: Its women's European football team. The Fighting Irish women's soccer team is now 23-0 heading into the second weekend of the NCAA tourney and have outscored opponents 78-10, with 15 shutouts. If the Irish keep this up they deserve to be mentioned among the all-time great teams regardless of sport in the school's history.

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Greg Robinson becomes at least the third coach (besides Joe Tiller and Ty Willingham...we're still waiting on Chuck Long) the Irish will face this season who won't be back next season with his current team. And Cameron Dantley, the Orange starter (and Adrian's son), becomes the fourth QB who did not begin the season as his team's starter to face the Irish. Is it just me or was San Diego State redshirt freshman Ryan Lindlay the best passer the Irish faced this year? 

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If you ever wonder why the media who cover Notre Dame regularly feel a sense of frustration with Notre Dame players (who, believe me, the writers do not hold personally accountable), check out this exchange from Tuesday evening's post-practice player access. Tuesday night is when offensive players are available, so wide receiver Robby Parris, a junior, was exposed to the enemy, um, writers. Parris, who was involved on the hands team with the two onsides kicks and batted the first one out of bounds (illegally, because it flew forward) was asked if he was aware of that rule. 

"I"m not sure," replied Parris, who ordinarily comes across as one of the team's bigger extroverts. "I can't really talk about that.'

A school official later explained that Tuesday night is designated for offensive players, while Thursday is for special teams. In other words, wait two days and ask the same player the same question. The Ministry of Truth is alive and well.

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WOO! GIRLS

Finally had a chance to catch the brilliant "Woo! Girls" episode of How I Melt Your Mother on Monday evening. The premise: there are single women, mild-mannered by day, who haunt jello-shot bars putting an arm up in the air and shrieking "Woo!" at the slightest hint of good news, a favorite song, free booze, or a sale at Urban (Outfitters, that is).

A few aspects of this made me smile.

First, Tina Fey introduced this concept four days earlier with the character she created for Jennifer Aniston as a proto-Woo! Girl, her crazy friend from Chicago.

Second, the Woo! Girl is a species everyone has encountered in the (Girls Gone) wild. In my first year in Manhattan, my two male roommates and I were buds with a sextet of Woo! Girls, all of them living in the same apartment--and five of them flight attendants--who before long became dubbed (if not J-Dubbed) the "Stewardess Babes", or "Stew Babes". The Stew Babes could be cajoled out of their mild-manneredness by the following:

--the opening chords of the B-52s "Roam".

--a suggestion that we all head to China Club or Name This Joint, which was shortened to "Name It" by the truly cool Woo! Girls

--a Rob Lowe sighting, real or imagined.

--the sudden presence of their large, lumbering, preternaturally intoxicated dude friend "Squish", which elicited howls of "SQUISH!" and whose actual name we never learned.

--free pizza

Quick Woo! Girls/Stew Babes anecdote for you. After a long night out for one of them, she was put in a cab and sent back to her apartment complex on the Upper East Side (Normandy Court, nickname of which was Dorm-andy Court). She passed out in the cab, so the cabbie walked into the lobby to see if any of the doormen could identify her (she looked like a young Janet Jones). As the cabby is inside, the early '90s equivalent of a hipster/trader leaves the building, sees her, and steals the cab. Literally kidnaps her. Takes her to his apartment. The two wound up getting married. Woooooooooooooo!

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Stephen Curry. Did you catch him against Oklahoma last night? 44 points. And everyone knew he was going to shoot the ball every time. It isn't easy to overshadow 25 points and 21 rebounds (Oklahoma's Blake Griffin), particularly when your team loses, but Stephen Curry is the closest thing those of us under 50 will ever see to the collegiate shooting eye of Pete Maravich, I think.

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And how about Letterman? Did you catch his interview with France's luminous First Lady, Carla Bruni? At one point they were showing photos and Letterman was intrigued by a shot of Bruni, her husband the French prez, Nicholas Sarkozy, and Pope Benedict. Dave wondered what type of reaction the Pontiff had to coming into such close proximity with such a, um, divine presence. "He's the pope," Dave said, "but, I mean, he's a guy."

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You never want to see anyone who works hard lose their job, but watching the heads of Detroit's Big 3 automakers beg Congress (i.e., you and me) for $25 billion yesterday reminded me of this scene I see replayed before me nearly every time I must head to the airport. I'm waiting in line, either for a ticket agent or at the security gate, and someone barges in and begs to cut in front of everyone because they're in danger of missing their flight. And, yeah, you hate to be the jerk without compassion, but you think to yourself, Maybe if they miss this flight they'll learn to show up on time. As a wise man once said, "It's impossible to be early."

So, yes, that is my extremely basic metaphor for America's fiscal crisis. Maybe it's more complicated than that. But it was funny (sad funny) when one senator asked for confirmation as to whether a manufacturing plant must, even if it's not making cars, remain 80% open (so as to appease the unions) and when he asked the union head, the man replied, "I'll have to check on that."

The senator just sneered and said, "Are you kidding me?"

(Here's an idea for someone more fiscally sophisticated to shoot down: What if the government just used $25 billion to hand out as rebates for us to buy American vehicles? Say, you agree to buy a Ford, GM or Chevy and the government will pay half the sticker price. Wouldn't that infuse cash into the Big 3 while also helping ordinary citizens buy cars? One vehicle per household. And when the money runs out, it's gone. First come, first served.)