T.O. Deal Made My Gut Hurt

Every time Terrell Owens signs with the Bills, I have my appendix out. Clearly, it's an effort by T.O. and agent Drew Rosenhaus to keep me from weighing in on his latest headline-making move.

Well, they failed.

My appendix came out Saturday at 9:30 p.m. EST (thanks to the folks at Morton Hospital in sunny Taunton, Mass for the kind care and treatment) and I'm ready this afternoon to briefly hold forth on Owens' entry into the Western New York landscape.

* Hope you enjoyed the relative peace and quiet for the first three seasons of NFL play, Trent Edwards. The Bills quarterback has now been pulled into the Owens vortex and he's going to leave a mark on Edwards' career. He's done it to every quarterback he's played extended time with (or, as T.O. likely thinks, has played for him). Jeff Garcia, Donovan McNabb and Tony Romo didn't just have to deal with Owens gesticulating at them because they didn't get the ball, giving half-assed effort on balls he couldn't catch or dropping critical passes that hit him in the hands. He questioned Garcia's sexuality, McNabb's heart and desire and insinuated a Romo-Jason Witten-Jason Garrett cabal designed to...well, designed to...keep the ball away from Owens, apparently.

* This deal for Owens reminds me of the end-of-days decision made last decade by Jets owner Leon Hess who rounded up Bill Parcells to revive his moribund franchise before he shuffled off this mortal coil. Bills owner Ralph Wilson is 90 years old. Statistical analysis shows that most 90 year olds are within a decade or so of completing their time on Earth. Anecdotal evidence gathered from my 90-something relatives on my mother's side of the family has shown me that people in that age bracket aren't terribly concerned about what the neighbors think. If they want to see something occur before they head wherever they're headed, they'll try to make sure it happens. And Wilson, who is still of sound mind, would no doubt like to see his Bills win a Super Bowl. T.O. is probably the only AVAILABLE player who can feasibly get the Bills over the top. Could he also pull them to the bottom where the muck of controversy and disappointment will choke out their final breath? Certainly. But at this point, why not give it a shot?

* Dick Jauron and Owens may just get along. Jauron's an interesting guy, A former player himself, his Bills revere him. He's stoic, tough and accepts blame when things go poorly. It will be interesting to see how quickly he moves to put his foot down if Owens tries to show him up. With Bill Parcells, it was clear Owens wanted to try a "I'm just keeping it light" passive-aggressive tact of trying to pee on his territory (witness the Tour de France uniform when he was out with a hammy during training camp). With Wade Phillips, there was no need for area-peeing since Wade was so easily walked over. Jauron is probably most similar to Andy Reid who Owens never really tried to challenge. The thing with Owens is he tries to go after the guys who he thinks he can co-opt teammates against. Garrett, for instance. Or Witten. He may not find many guys ready to ride under his flag in Buffalo. They have pretty good team chemistry up there (at least looking in from a distance).

* On the face of it, Owens' personality seems counter to the workaday folks in Buffalo. But the greater dynamic at work is the Buffalovians need for NFL relevance again. They had it damn good in the 90s. They want it back that way. Owens - whether he flops spectacularly and tears the team asunder or (less likely) leads the Bills to elite status - gives them something to look forward to, a storyline to follow.

* Attendance. Marketing. The relative pittance the Bills have to pay to rent Owens for the year. It all works out for Buffalo. This is a winning situation for the Bills in that they were pretty much marooned in that "pretty good, seldom really good, never great" area of the league. So have fun with that Buffalo. I know I will.