Decoding the English language

Playing the hilariously snarky Cousin Avi in Snatch, Dennis Farina had, among others, this gem: "Blagged? Speak English to me, Tony. I thought this country spawned the [bleepin] language, and so far nobody seems to speak it."

An exaggeration for sure. But one thing that stands out about this country is that it's not as easy to understand people as you might think. Head to a country in Europe, you expect a communication barrier, but that's because they're speaking another language. In England, they talk like us back in the States, only they don't really talk like us. (They probably feel the same, that we're butchering their native tongue - probably true - but whatever.)

The accent can confuse things, and the different inflections on words makes everything sound like a punchline and nothing sound like a question, even if they're asking you a question. But more so it's the different lingo. Here's a quick little decoder manual, in case you come across the pond in search of some fish and chips fries:

Cheers is the biggie - it has multiple meanings, but usually hello or thanks. Basically it's your safety valve. Don't know what to say when you meet someone or accidentally bump into someone rounding a corner? Just say cheers and everything will be fine.

We say drunk or hammered or dozens of other creative ways of describing that you had too much to drink. They say pissed.

When we say where we did what they call drunk, it's the bathroom. Here it's the loo.

If you think we have a hundred ways of saying drunk, there are about a thousand to describe a hot girl (smokeshow is my personal favorite). Here, a girl is simply fit.

I'm glad that when we're tired, we say tired. Two syllables (sometimes only one if you're southern and you're used to compacting), easy to say. Would be tough to generate the energy when we're tired to spit out knackered. Still waiting for confirmation on the proper use of knackering.

Back home, sacked is usually reserved for football, whenever a monster like Julius Peppers gets to the QB or that one time when Brett Favre fell down and gave a gift to Michael Strahan. But in England, it's what they say when someone gets fired.

In terms of phones, they'll always try and ring you on your mobile, which must be awfully difficult to understand for a 12-year old American girl with a JT or Kanye ringtone for their cell.

The number 30 also gets short-changed over here, particularly when discussing time. It's always half-past (pronounced "hof-possed").

Mate is what they call a friend or buddy, which is fine until you hear "Me and my mates ..."

Pretty sure that "also" isn't in their bank of usables - as well will do.

And quite is the substitute for "very," as in "quite well." The Brits seem to understate things quite a bit.

-Matt Casey